Blue

Blue
2019-06-30 00:00:00 (UTC)

What I can remember of September

I don't remember most of what I did with my September.

I went to see Hustlers with Odalys.
I also went to the beach with her.

My sister and I went to visit Robert at Lynwood. I met Rich. At first, it was pretty awkward, but later, when we had lunch, we all got comfortable and talked about school. I told them some of what had happened. We went to a game store with cats and had fun playing a game with gems.

I went to see Fullerton with Robert and Richard. We crashed an art clubs first meeting. The people there didn't look attractive or seem that smart; there was only one person I liked.

on September 26 I went to Santa Barbara

- That Friday I spent with James, we did LSD, he ruined my experience by acting crazy and rapey. When we first met, we hit it off, but it was more like what should have been friends, but he ended being a creep. I immensely regret having slept with him- it was so weird!

Out of that experience, I learned that you have to make an effort to get better; otherwise, you end up a pathetic loser. I also Ignore a lot of red flags. And that I am not utilizing my full female power. I need to value myself more.

That night I called Austin to hang out, he complimented me and talked to me about the twilight zone and religion. I was super lovey-dovey and went down on him. I feel like I shouldn't have, but it works towards phase 1. Scarcity! Principal! I shouldn't if I am not getting anything out of it.

Saturday:
I went with Odalys to IV and had a Pedialyte; she had fries. We stayed in and watched food wars. I slept there, and she didn't give me a blanket! (maybe germaphobe?)

Sunday:
We went downtown for brunch with MJ; I couldn't eat the food- I was way too nauseated. I gave it away to some homeless women. I think Odalys thinks I'm pregnant. Lol. She was concerned for me and offered to take me to the doctor. We went back to her place and watched more food wars. MJ left. Later we went to the market, and I bought some canned chicken soup that I was able to eat. Then that night, when I had to leave, she was weird about me going as if Austin hadn't given me a place to stay and that I would stay another night there-which she wouldn't want? I don't know how to feel about our relationship. Should I try to connect with her more? Who is she closest to?? I think that she wants to let go but doesn't know-how. I also left for a while to have sex with Austin; It was awful.

Sunday night:
I went to spend the night with Austin. He was cooking and didn't offer me any food >:( I should have told him I was hungry- even though I wasn't. We watched two Twilight episodes, my arm was hurting the whole time, and I didn't say anything!! fuck. We had sex again; this time, it was a little better-still awful tho. His dick is so small I can't feel anything, and he is so fucking Vanilla. I helped him introduced a little biting. The cuddling was good; I was able to sleep all night. In the morning, he gave me a $10 Starbucks gift card; I don't know how to feel about it. ----He has his shit together. He will graduate next quarter possibly, and then get a job. I am confident that I could get him to marry me if it came down to that. I don't like him; we don't have much in common. He is way too uptight. It might be something that I need.....

Monday:
I hung out with MJ. We got Icecream and went to the beach. We talked about our depression and a little about our sex lives. I am happy that she will also take her time to graduate; it means I have someone I can hang out with.




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