marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2019-10-17 18:40:35 (UTC)

Feeling cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms.

i guess being mildly bipolar, i should expect more ups and downs than most normal's out there. Right now, i'm in a low, perhaps exacerbated by half a fatty i just stamped out. At least i'm not hypomanic. That's what gets me into trouble. No, this is all about the down.

This weekend, my parents are having a big party to celebrate the end of Javier's parole. i cannot think of a more inappropriate thing that they could do, yet they persist. Al the neighbors will be there. Some i'd like to see, others not, to avoid reminders of my past. i had no intention of going but several cousins of mine will be flying in for just the weekend and i dearly want to see them. i don't, read ever, get to Minnesota to see them. Cubanos en Minnesota you ask. That's where they sent them from my namesake boat-lift in the 80's. How many out there figured that one? No one got the extra credit?

Anyways, i am so mixed about going. i asked if they wanted to stay with me, but both are seeing other relatives, so they wouldn't have time. i guess that means i'm going. i feel very vulnerable. It's my natural progression, really. Done it so many times. This time, it feels a little deeper. Not sure why. Maybe cause i spent a lot of down time by myself this week. No playmates around, my downstairs friend is away this week too. Plus i'm not to happy about my coworkers gossip shit. i should have fucked who i wanted last Friday night. At least i'd have had some human contact. Skin on skin. It's so important to the psyche. i could have gone over to Brian's but i'm not sure what's up there. Andy has been sending texts of increasing suggestiveness and i'm fighting off the urge to test his sincerity. Any other couple, i might indulge, but i can't believe Bri would be into what's being texted. i don't even want to bring it up to him. So, i've been staying away from them.

i thought i'd mellow a bit with the weed, but it just made me more introspective. Dangerous for me when i'm alone. Maybe i'll 'you up'' Jermaine in a few. Then again, maybe i'll just sit here by myself.

I'm feeling cloudy. With a chance of thunderstorms.
Mariel




Ad: