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02-14-19: That 70s Musical
Okay, my friends.
Invitations to see Fez in tonight's Spring Sing charmingly illustrated by the hand of Fez.
Great, something to put my gum in.
Oh, man, this concert's tonight? Yes, it's tonight.
I've been talking about it for weeks! - Don't you listen to me? - Fez, I don't know what you're getting so upset about.
- You know we don't listen to you.
- Yeah, I don't know, Fez.
I mean, I'm still kind of tired from the party last night.
Party? What party? You know, the party.
You were there.
No, I do not know, and I was not there.
- Someone forgot to tell me.
- Wait, are you sure? 'Cause I could have sworn you were there.
Remember when the college girl got up on the table and took her top off? - What? - Yeah, that was great, man.
Wait, even Smokey the Bear was there? Fine.
Fine, what's done is done.
The important thing is where you're going to be tonight- at my concert watching me.
Oh, it's gonna be such a wonderful evening.
Music, good friends and dancing.
Just like life should be.
( Rock ) ( Singing Rock ) ( All Vocalizing ) ( All Singing ) ( Solo ) ( All ) ( Solo ) This is my favorite part.
( Rock And Roll Flourish ) ( Ends ) So, what do you think? I think whatever you're on, I'll take two of'em.
Hangin'out Down the street The same old thing We did last week Not a thing to do But talk to you We're all all right We're all all right Hello, Wisconsin.
! ( Singing Scale ) Perfecto.
Oh, Fez, was that you? I could have sworn I just heard Wayne Newton.
Forman! You came to my concert! Well, it's the Spring Sing.
There is no place we'd rather be than the Spring Sing.
Now, Kitty, that's just a lie.
Ay, here comes my music teacher, Mr.
He is unpleasant.
Are you the parents of this horrible little man? I'll have you know, he's been imitating my accent behind my back.
Well, first of all, we are not his parents and second of all- Well, the rest of it, I just don't care about.
I'm moving you to the back row so that no one can hear that squawk box that you call a voice.
The back row? But the back row is for the untalented and the ugly! - Ay, you are no fun.
- Music is not about fun.
It's about passion and commitment.
Have you ever been moved to tears by the warbling timbre of your own voice? No, because I am a man.
( Sighs ) Well, he just, um- He doesn't seem to like you at all.
The British have always hated my people.
We won the war, buddy.
Get over it! Oh, good one, Fez.
Well, you certainly seem in high spirits.
Soon all of my friends are gonna be here and we'll be all like a family.
I wish you were my family.
Oh, we would be so happy together.
Okay, kids, it's nighty-night time.
- Good night, Mom.
- Night, Ma.
- ( Kisses ) - That's my mama! I love you, Fez.
I love you more! I love you the most! Daddy! All right.
And don't let the bed bugs put their foot in your ass.
- ( Laughing ) - ( Kitty ) Okay, boys, lights out.
! And no more staying up till 8:30 giving each other hugs! - ( All Groaning ) - See you in the morning.
( Alarm Ringing ) ( Rock ) ( Singing Rock ) ( All ) - Are you people singing again? - Yes? Good, 'cause- ( Singing Rock ) ( Together) ( All ) - ( Engine Revving ) - ( Continues ) ( Ends ) Well, that was detailed.
You are one fruity kid.
Now, remember singing is all about the use of the diaphragm.
- ( Inhales ) - ( Giggling ) ( Sighs ) And what's so funny about the proper use of the diaphragm? It's the muscle you breathe with.
- Below your bosom! - ( Giggling ) Oh! Bloody imbeciles.
So, this must be a very exciting night for you.
If the mayor likes what he sees I'll be directing this year's Dairy Days Dance-abration.
Oh, that is always wonderful.
One time, they had a quartet dressed as cows and they sang ''Blue Moo-oo-oon.
'' ( Laughs ) 'Cause they were cows! Yes, I'm sure you thick-headed Americans could hardly contain your grunts.
Well, I thought it was delightful.
Hey, everybody! Bob! Hey, I saved seats for you and the gang.
- Oh, I don't think they're coming.
- Of course they are.
Well, you know, I asked if they needed a ride, but they said, ''No.
'' When I left, they were just sittin' in the basement, laughin'.
But the show's about to start.
Ooh! Then I better get to the refreshment table.
Did you know that all that stuff was free? It says donations accepted, but you don't gotta put nothin' in.
My friends are still in the basement? - I wonder what they're doing.
- Oh, I'm sure they're just- Miss Kitty, please! I'm trying to wonder.
Fez's concert is about to start- Which means we have three more hours without his sorry ass! Let's eat his candy! Yeah.
( Imitating Fez ) My name is Fez.
I love candy.
Whore! Good day.
I said, good day! Yeah, and the best part is, that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend.
( Scoffs ) Like I care.
I wish he were dead.
Oh, hey, we should kill him! No, I got a better idea.
Let's sing without him! - ( Rock ) - ( Singing Rock ) Yeah! ( Guitar Notes ) ( All ) ( Guitar Solo ) ( Ends ) So, they would rather make fun of me than come here.
Well, honey, you know, at least they're singing- like you'll be doin' real soon.
( Singing Upbeat Pop ) Is there a bar here? You know, last night they went to a party without me- a topless party.
- What? - Where? They were the first people to be nice to me when I came to America but maybe I am not their friend.
Maybe I am just a goofy foreign kid.
Well, can't you be both? I would settle for friend, but I don't even think I am that.
Well, you still got ''goofy foreign kid.
'' That's something.
( Marching Band ) Well, the butts are in the seats but not one butt is the butt of a friend.
Well, this is just rude.
They better have run out of gas or hit a deer or something.
Okay, places everyone! Let's show them what we've got.
Teeth and cleavage! Teeth and cleavage! Well, that does it! Now I am mad! All they care about is themselves and their stupid, messed-up relationships.
Boo-hoo! Love hurts! Well they deserve it! Aw, geez, not another one.
( Groans ) Do we really have to go see that foreign boy sing? I'm not going.
I'm in too much pain from our breakup.
Even though it was months ago, it still affects every part of my life.
Me, me, me! No! Me, me, me! Wait.
What about me, me, me? - Me! - Me! - Me! ( All ) Me! ( Rock Ballad ) ( Singing Rock Ballad ) ( Sobbing ) ( All ) ( Disco ) ( All Singing Disco ) - ( Rock Ballad Resumes ) - ( Singing Rock Ballad ) ( All ) ( Ends ) Wow, I just caught the end, but that was nice.
- Leo, you made it.
- What, this? No, I got this at a church sale.
Hey, where's that dude and that other dude, and that girl and that dude, and the other girl? They're not here.
It's just me alone- always alone.
( Sighs ) ( Singing Ballad ) ( Sniffs ) ( Slows, Ends ) Aw, forget it.
I'm going home! Hi, Fez! Where the hell have you been? Well, we were on our way here when we passed by your music teacher's house.
And I said, ''Fez hates that guy.
Let's toilet-paper it!'' So- So we did! ( No Audible Dialogue ) ( No Audible Dialogue ) - For me? - Yeah, and then we had to go get some dog poop 'cause we looked at his porch and realized, ''Hey, Not enough dog poop.
'' ( No Audible Dialogue ) ( No Audible Dialogue ) There's enough dog poop now.
And we got you an opening-night present.
- Congratulations, buddy! - ( Laughs ) Bloody hell, is that my mailbox? ( Imitating Wilkinson ) Bloody 'ell, is that me mailbox? - ( Laughs ) That's dead on! - Yes, I'm sure you'll all remember this fondly as you rot in your Barcaloungers cheeseburgers clenched in your fat American fists! You got that right, buddy! Aw.
Look who has so many friends! Don't ever leave him alone with us again.
I'm so glad you came.
Tonight wouldn't mean anything without you guys.
Aw, Fez, we wouldn't miss it.
- I mean- - ( All Singing Pop ) ( All Singing Disco ) ( Guitar Solo ) ( All Singing Disco Resumes ) ( Ends ) Boy, do I know how to shake it.
Imbecile, you're on! Well, that's my cue! This is just like A Star Is Born, and I am Barbra Streisand.
Love me! I'm so happy to be back home with my friends.
( Singing Rock ) No, nobody calls you that.
And if anyone's the space cowboy, it's me.
What? In your dreams, Forman.
I am widely acknowledged as the space cowboy of this group.
And I also call ''midnight toker.
This cheeseburger is bloody brilliant.
( All Singing Disco ) ( Screams ) Dude, come here.
( All Singing Rock ) Good, 'cause- ( Singing Rock ) ( Woman ) Cut.
! - You had it! - That was your best one! ( All Singing Disco, Ends ) - ( Woman ) Cut.
! - ( All Laughing )
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