from my heart
Ad 2:
2019-10-15 23:03:51 (UTC)

jealous and insecure, a turn off

7:03 pm

currently at cafe divine. im studying here with jinsol and i have finally finished my spanish assignments as well as my bio labs. there are still so much to do like my bio worksheets and studying for my biology quiz tomorrow. i havent really studied a lot because truth be told im just a fat lazy fuck!

so i feel pretty good about the fact that i did some homework and caught up on my missing assignments because my grades are detoriating and i feel like shit.

during this time, i got a twitter notification that showed that avaken liked a pic of this girls twitter. i checked her twitter and i felt so insecure. she was wearing cute undies and just idk she was so cute.

when i saw her i immediately felt myself compare how i look. ugh. honestly i feel so ugly. i take nudes and send it to stupid horny guys hoping to get some sort of validation and to be complimented. im such a needy,fucking,attention whore ):

like i just want to be really cute. but i hate my voice. i feel like its too high pitched and people always think that im 12.

also yesterday roman and i called and he screenshared his computer w me and idk why the fuck but he went on this nsfw reddit thing where girls are naked and showing off their bodies

and he would say abt how some of them were really hot and honestly i admit that too

i go to the gym to have a nicer body and get in better shape but i cant help but feel so ugly, dirty, and disgusting

i feel a little better about myself because i do kind of have an hourglass shape?? like my hips are pretty nice and im not overweight or anything but idk i still feel ugly

i just wish i was more prettier.. i wish i had a really pretty nose, eyes, lips, hair

i wish i had nice hair. i wish i didnt pull my hair. i mean im not depressed. ive been better at that. ive been better at being more positive and finding joy

at handling my feelings and emotions

but i still feel so ugly. and i dont know if im truly happy. i dont even really like my personality. i just kind of wish i wasnt me sometimes.

i wish i was this cute girl with a cute voice and a hot body, nice hair, nose, lips, big eyes.

those girls you see online,, like the girl i saw on twitter or this girl i saw on vent.

i wish somebody really loved me. but how can i expect anyone to love me if i cannot love myself? and even if they do how can i accept that? if i cannot accept myself?

i wish that i had nice long hair. i wish that i was prettier

i know roman doesnt like me. i know that. but i kept trying to convince myself that he did tbh. i wanted to convince myself that because he would message me and we would talk often. because we have been getting closer.

but im just realizing that honestly im just this easy girl. so fucking easily manipulated, gullible, little attention whore

what can i do at this point??

how can i love myself?

i want to starve myself

idk, i gtg now. bye

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