Fleeting Moments of Existence
Here we go again
Okay, I might have mentioned I had a few issues of my own to resolve. One of them was supposed to be taken care of with time and distance and it came rushing back into my life this morning. My SO has left on Saturday for work reasons and he will not be there for six weeks. Our story has known many complications, we've been on and off, I loved him way before he even realised he loved me and this summer was a rough one for the both of us. We were broken up and I've seen someone for about a month and a half before my romance rekindled.
I had something very intense with that someone else, let's name him SE. I don't exactly know what I felt for him, what I was sure of is that although I had broken up with my SO I still loved him and I would need time to close that door when I started seeing SE. It made things complicated, but later I'd come to learn he still loved his ex (or so he said). We stopped seeing each other because I left on holiday with SO and when I got back, ready to give SE a shot, he had already met someone else. I was angry, mad, disappointed, honestly, this guy asked me to commit to him so many times and I always said I couldn't. Thank God I didn't. Anyways, I never pretended to be an easy person to deal with, especially at that time but he... he showed me a person that deep down, I don't think he is. He said what I needed to hear - or worse, what I WANTED to hear - and I guess, we could say he played the game the way I wanted him to, until he stopped. My ego hurt badly, but something else hurt too... maybe I liked him more than I thought, or was it only my eyes ? Because LORD was he handsome! I cut all contact, deleted his phone number, unfriended him from social media platforms. Well, I guess I should have blocked him, but I didn't want to get to this point. Today, I regret not having done so as he has contacted me again. Why does he contact me now ? Is it like this summer ? A weak moment of mine, an opportunity of his to disrupt my existence, turn my world upside down again ? I don't want him to but there's some part of me who still misses him, so I don't know what I'm going to do. I answered already, probably not the right thing, I'm opening the door a little, just the time to know if his relationship is on the rocks maybe ? I don't know. I'm not sure of what I'm doing, I'm not sure I ever knew with him. We shall see.