inbetween

inbetween
2019-10-13 23:02:16 (UTC)

I remember the first time ..

I remember the first time autumn made me feel melancholic. It must have been during seventh or eight grade. I remember sitting on the bus to school and watching the red marches, the fog floating thinly. This image was beautiful, but the idea of autumn made me feel sadness.

Today I'm feeling a lot of emotions. Overwhelming sadness. Maybe it's because of several things. My father, sleeping alone in the hospital. My roommate, troubled but infuriating and dressed in a thousand harmful defense mechanisms. Or something as simple as the change of seasons, of winter slowly slowly moving in.

This weekend I have been seeing my aunt and cousin a lot. We met for a late dinner on Friday first. It was so hard to convince myself why I should meet them, I felt so anxious at the thought. Once I did, it was fine. It's because I have my silly hangups that I get anxious. On Saturday, we met for brief lunch. I had to take a bike downtown because the trams were held up somewhere, and that was nice. Then today, we met early for a walk along the river in the sun. We walked at a relaxed pace, then stopped for drinks and at a food market. Then we slowly meandered downtown for a dinner, before saying goodbye.

On Saturday I also had dinner with a friend I haven't seen a good while. It relieved me to see she was doing so much better than earlier. She's been such a source of worry. I don't mind being worried, but I just wish I could help more. We talked a lot and laughed, and walked downtown.

I'm grateful for this time spent with people I love.




Ad: