Christopher Mel

The Mirror
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2019-10-10 16:29:36 (UTC)

Every day is the same

No predictability. No challenge. No point. Just the same shit from the same people. It's like that movie "The Truman Show". I feel like most of the people you meet are just actors scripted to say and do dumb shit JUST to piss me off and try my patience. Now, I'm not going under this entitled notion that everyone has to be perfect to my liking. I try to follow the live and let live aspect, but people cannot do the same. It's like they're scripted to go out of their way to be as obnoxious, unreasonable and idiotic as possible. It's not my fault you're narcissistic and stupid and lack social awareness so I shouldn't have to deal with your crap.

Daily occurrences: So, just to set up, my current living arrangement is that involving a shared space with 3 other people. 2 on disability; and out of those, 1 who requires 2 parking spaces in the drive way that they don't even use (so we have to park in the street), the other, who sits in in room and is disconnected with the world and reality in general, and the landlord himself. These guys are some characters, lemme tell ya. One guy avoids the landlord at all costs cause they don't like each other even though they pretend for the sake of keeping peace. But if the landlord is home the other guy will stay in his room and never come out until landlord falls asleep so he could get food or use the bathroom. Are you a baby? Just do what you gotta do. Why are fuck are you waiting to do basic living tasks? Biggest gripe however is he waits until I get up to do something to get up. If I get up to use the bathroom (shared...yeah) he has to run up and use the bathroom. No matter what time I get up to do something, he has to get up and occupy that same space at the SAME FUCKING TIME. EVERY TIME. EVERY DAY. Then have the nerve to act like I'm in THEIR WAY. YOU DON"T WORK. YOU SIT THERE ALL DAY DOING NOTHING. If I finally get a day off from work and decide to do some laundry, I gotta hear shit about "hurry so I can take a shower". Ya had all fucking morning to shower. Stop following behind me like a fucking dog every time I get up to go do something. I fucking hate being smothered. I think I mentioned that in my last post. And the reason these guys do that is because they're bored and lonely, so I get stuck in forced conversation. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind talking to people. I'm not trying to be a total dick, but if, let's say, I get up 6 am in the morning because I had an emergency BM and really had to use the bathroom, I come out and see my landlord sitting by the kitchen table staring right at me as I open the bathroom door. "What's up?" It's 6 heard me getting up and ran to the kitchen to 'chat' with me as I'm taking a shit? Who does this? It's because these guys are in their 50's and lonely and desperate for conversation with another human being I soon realized and so that's why they find any opportunity to run out behind me the second I leave my room to do anything in any of the shared spaces. Like I said I don't mind conversation but god damn there's no boundaries with this guy. 6 am, taking a shit. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet so my breath stinks and I was still half asleep and groggy...JUST because I got up doesn't mean I want to have a fucking conversation that instant, obviously...then if you walk away you're being rude or they keep fucking talking or trying to keep you standing there in conversation. You have a family and kids why don't you ever call them. It's just like 'daman' and his calling for hours shit. I ditch that and end up stuck with a physical in-my-face version of it with roommates. Seems I keep getting stuck with these types of people throughout my life.
But then I hear them talking shit about things I've done behind my back. "Chris must've left this here. Chris must've gotten this dirty." I'm usually at work or generally out more than I am home, but love getting blamed for shit when I'm not even around that much. Landlord asked me to feed his fish for a week in his absence...came back and when he thought I was asleep in my room heard him say "Chris must've put too much fish food because the tank is dirty and needs cleaning." That tank was disgusting for months, and he was too lazy to clean/maintain it, those poor fish. That's why he conveniently asked me weeks prior if I "wanted a fish tank", so I would get stuck with the cleaning mess. Clean up your own shit. No one's responsible for the garbage, though. Landlord takes it out or I do if he's.......'incapacitated', but no one else will offer to do so. I know, other roommates on disability so he never gets off his ass, even though he looks perfectly fine(yeah, I know people who may have a disability HATE when people say that because you put a lot of effort to appear fine, I know) but, the garbage truck is coming tomorrow morning. I'll take it out because it's heavy. That's understandable. But you think anyone would bring in the empty garbage bin? No, I take garbage out and go to work. 12 hours later I drive home and the empty can's still out there. Hey, do you think the other roommate could take 1 minute out of his busy schedule of sitting on his ass in front of the computer to grab a glove, and wheel the empty, super light garbage bin back into it's respectable area? The landlord was gone for a week, so it was OUR responsibility. Thanks for not offering. Forgot people who don't work and get paid to do nothing have a busy schedule of doing just that: NOTHING. Same guy who's physically able to lift boxes and run to store to pick up coffee creamer every week can't grab a trash bin. Whatever. It's like living with children.
Then I always have to be in high spirits at work because there's always someone coming in with some weird mood I don't feel like being obligated in dealing with. That and dealing with socially inept millennials who became that way after being raised with a phone in their hand, so they don't know how to interact on the most basic of human levels. No you're not shy, you're inept. You're not weird and 'nobody gets ya', you're just too lazy to put in the effort to communicate and think someone owes you something instead. Fuck off. I'm not buying your bullshit.
I go out to see status of floor and customers grabbing their purses already. Already with the victim-complex frightened animal routine. Same shit. Every day is exactly the same.
Ignorance from coworkers. Usually we take turns with the radio on the job. Someone connects their phone via bluetooth and we listen to music to get by the long ass day. My playlists usually consist of all types of music; movie soundtracks, game music, alternative, hip hop, trance, electronic, etc. all types of shit. I remember one time an OUTCAST song came on and within a second reaction I hear: "I don't wanna hear that!" Every other genre of music was fine and tolerated until then. See how people are? But we had to listen to country music all the live long day that was fine. I don't like country music in general not because of the way it sounds but rather the topics. Almost EVERY SONG is about some bitch or drinking beer/whiskey. Almost every fucking country song, if you actually listen to the lyrics. Of course they didn't like and was quick to respond with "gangster rap music they talk about the same thing". Funny how she brought up gangster rap with no prior mention of it. Did you just assume that I listen to gangster rap because I'm black? I never once played any of that nor do I have any on any of my playlists because of the same reasons she listed. But it's nice to assume, right? Another time there WAS rap music playing on the radio suddenly and everyone looked at me: "that's your music, Chris? Turn that shit off" Funny thing was it was a white guy playing the music. HE even got mad that they assumed it was me. But goes to show you where people stand. Funny, 'you guys' can stereotype and assume and plaster your ignorance in our faces on a whim, but if we do that you're quick to play the victim and turn it around like we're the badguys. Funny how you accuse us of playing the victim yet manage to pull it off flawlessly yourselves whenever need be. Fuck off, that tactic doesn't work on me.(Yeah bet ya got all defensive for a second there, case in point. Hypocrites.) These small, passive incidents happen frequently, and in various forms. Just one of those things 'WE" have to deal with. But getting off topic my point is that people don't live and let live. No, they have to find a way to bombard you with their ignorance and stupidity. Lately I've been disconnected with people and I think my sis may have picked up on it. It's a combination of being at work all the time, physical pain in my feet, being blamed for shit, smothering from roommates, phony friends, always having to be the patient, responsible one, putting up with people's shit and not getting anything for it. I'm just tired and I need a break. I'm not obligated to deal with your loneliness, social ineptitude, laziness, moodiness, ignorance and assumptions. For fucks sake, roommies other day talking shit about how I argue with myself and do other crazy things when no one's around. I DO VIDEOS. YOU'VE SEEN MY RECORDING EQUIPMENT in my room because you're so fucking nosey and in my business. If you thought something was wrong why don't you JUST ASK instead of making stupid assumptions. GOSH. This is what I need a break from. PEOPLE. Always shoving their stupidity in my face instead of leaving me the fuck alone. I think that's another big part of it. Simply never having 5 minutes alone to myself, because I'm always forced to be engaged in something. I like hanging out. I just need a break from people to recharge my battery. Then I'm good to go. I like talking with people...mentally healthy people. People who are smarter than me. I love listening to people with high IQ. They show none of the attributes I listed here. Inspires me to be a better me and research more. It's fine. I shouldn't really complain about my situation, as it's only temporary, work and living arrangement wise. I had done things that landed me here in the first place so I have to remember that. Now I am in a time of atonement and restructuring. Always remember my 'endgame'. Once my debts are paid off I'm outta here. The mask, however, is wearing thin...