Experienced Life
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2019-10-10 06:35:33 (UTC)

One more month

Just some rambling this morning. Random thoughts so I'm gonna just wing it and jump all over the place.

First of all, I get to go back to my crossfit gym in less than a month. Woohoo!! I keep seeing postings from my friends at the gym and I'm dying to go. Nothing wrong with the 2nd gym but it's pretty much doing your own thing. I'm starting to make some friends there. One lady that joined right next to me on the same elliptical when there are 2 dozen of them lined up so we chatted for a bit. Mostly bullshit stuff but I try to focus and daydream so that the time seems shorter. I do an hr on that beast with three intervals of 20 minutes. Some weights, weighted squats, tea kettles, etc.The other one is a worker there and we chatted for a little bit. I guess it was slow and they have to be polite.

2nd, my friend Jenny couldn't cope with our friend's death and she went back to her ex bf's house. tsk, tsk. The same woman that told me to leave my maybe-girlfriend is eating her own vomit. But it's her life and she is an adult so I can't really judge her I guess. The issue she had with him still exists so I don't know where they are headed. I guess she better be always there to help support him. Boy, that guy needs to have his man-card revoked.

3rd, I'm thinking about what to do with my maybe-girlfriend. I worked so hard to be my better self and it took awhile for me to like myself again. I have my confidence and I'm keeping my weight at my ideal weight. Still need to lose the last of the stubborn fat but oh well. It's hard to self assess but I'm starting to think that maybe-girlfriend is not as sparkly as I thought. haha. I mean that she is a very smart scientist and all yet.... she is sort of lost when it comes to life in general. How can someone so smart not have the experiences that life provides? Normal stuff like not worrying about the next door Jones's. Not worry about what other people will think. Not realizing that what's in her head for the future is just a best guess at most. Having goals is one thing. Predicting you next 20 years of your life (and mine?) You won't know for sure if life won't poop on you. She even said that when in my room last Sunday, life was good and all makes sense. Then when she was driving home after, she then says that real life comes to mind and things change and reality sets in. WTH?! Really?!

Well, what changed is not the outside world. It's her. All in her. She lacks standing up for herself. She is too worried about what other people think. So undecided in things. Doesn't realize plans in life and what really happens many times will not match to a T.

4th, I also am reading up a little about testosterone and oxytocin. Interesting read. I'll read up on it more later. Maybe I'll subscribe to Kindle unlimited. I did read up that testosterone make a man competitive. I think I have loads of that. I was always a competitive kid growing up. So many trophies throughout my life and I know that the testosterone may have had a lot to do with it. No wonder I always needed to win all the time. Cool shit.

Oh yeah, I cleaned up my bedroom. I don't think it ever looked this good before. I have one of those wire shelving above the toilet and it looks so cluttered. I have to confess that maybe-girlfriend suggest I get those trays that fit the cubbies. So I bought some off of Amazon. It's coming today and it should make a big difference in looks hiding all the stuff piled on.

Then I worked on my living room converted into a pool table room. Pool table room aka living room is starting to look pretty nice. Hardwood floors are a pain to clean and shine. Not sure how anyone can give a crap about my cleaning and this is a guy's point of "cleaning" so I'm sure it's not even close compared to a woman's clean but here it is anyway. lol

Maybe the family room is next. I may need to buy more of those cubby bins to make it look more organized. One tip from my maybe-girlfriend that was a good idea.

Finally, I rocked it at the 2nd gym last night. I'm at a good weight. My endurance is great. After the initial pain of getting warmed up and the heart rate going, I hit this point where I seem to have unlimited cardio. Usually, it kicks in after 20 painful minutes of the initial cardio. Anyway... Good stuff :) . Can't explain what is going on. Maybe something I'll ask my scientist to maybe-scientist about. I may be older but I'm pretty happy with what I can do :)

So what's next in my future? I need to make sure I don't lose myself with maybe-girlfriend. Keep my self worth, confidence and don't chase. Keep a positive life and good things will happen.