Experienced Life
2019-10-09 21:05:05 (UTC)

Perspectives with death

Funny how a death can bring things down to perspective. Makes your problem seem small when there is a passing. My maybe-girlfriend told me sometime last week that she is afraid to be with me because if I died, it would be heartbreaking for her to live with the years of pain. Her example was her Dad. His wife passed away. Not sure if she was older but maybe-girlfriend said she saw him suffering for years being depressed not wanting to do anything. He is still alive and never really recovered. So my maybe-girlfriend said she didn't want to live a life like that and because of my age, I may die and she would be left with the pain and suffering.

I did tell her life is short and you never know what may happened. I indicated that I'm pretty healthy and it could be she that may pass. No one really knows. Even though she's 37, she seems a little ignorant in life in general. At that age, we already know life's favorite pitch is a curve ball. You don't know what the heck is coming tomorrow.

Today, I found that out in real life. We have our single parent's group on meetup. We've bonded with hundreds of people and have been friends for many years now. Some as long as 10 years. Well, life's curveball struck us. I recall about 5 years ago, our lady friend S got married to our other friend John. So that made her 37 yrs old just like my maybe-girlfriend Fay. Anyway, they are a cool people. She is 42 years old now. Well, she died. John (husband) is in shock. He said they had so many plans and wasn't expecting this tragedy to happen. She was so nice. Never caused any issues and she was always saying things on facebook about how she loves her husband. Even after 5 years, she acted as if they were just starting.

Makes me think of my issue with maybe-girlfriend. Makes me now think that I don't have time for petty people that don't know what they want in life. It may be a waste of time putting in this effort and the other person is afraid to make a move always going back and forth with all these fears of the future. Little does my maybe-girlfriend know that life will not follow her plans in life. Shit will happen and it will not go as what she thinks it will. So.... I'm starting to close that door. I thought she may be the one. I thought she was exciting and matches me but I'm starting to see that she is like lost sheep. I want someone to be able to go to hell and back side by side. At least I know I need to step back and pump the brakes on this. I don't want to put effort on a lost cause.

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