Experienced Life
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2019-10-07 22:09:46 (UTC)

Drama this early?

Well, my new girlfriend texted saying she was going to call me tonight and I looked forward to it. She did call but instead of the new lovey-dovey talk that I was expecting, it was her with second thoughts about us. She said it was great in my bedroom and hidden from the entire world but when she drove home, there was this reality and is now having second thoughts. This is after we talked that night and we both committed to sticking it out. Well, It's not 24 hrs yet and she is already buckling.

She now has this idea of doing things but not having sex again. Maybe just hold hands for now because she says she is feeling so guilty about what happened. She is again worried about how the community would accept our situation blah blah blah. I again reiterated that my friends would not judge us like that and if they did, then they would not be my friends anymore. But I told her that these aren't the kind of friends I would d have in the first place anyway. I did talk enough to show her my point of view but I'm not going to effing beg for her to stay. Screw that. If she don't want to be with me and if I don't make her happy, then she should not be with me. I even asked her if she wanted to break up and although I wouldn't enjoy doing so, I'm not here to make her miserable. My goal is to make her happy and if I'm not doing anything that is less than making her happy, then she shouldn't be with me.

We did have plans for Saturday night then Sunday wine tasting. But the Saturday cocktail party was cancelled. I suggested we both go to dinner and a comedy club show on Sat but she said she made plans to be with her lady friends already. So I said ok and said maybe you can come after and spend the night then we could go to the wine tour together? That sort of got her a little upset and said that Im not thinking of just me. Woah!! Really? So I backed up and said never mind about Saturday, you do your thing and I'll see you around whenever. Come or not come to the wine event if she wanted to. She replied that this was already planned so she will attend.

To be honest, I don't know about this lady. We had a long talk last time we met and this was already solidified between us and our goals in life. We already made commitments to each other. There isn't supposed to be a "changing of our mind" shit happening anymore. I can't deal with this up and down thing so while it's early, I may have to cut us loose and move on while I can. Drama free life is all I wanted. If she is lost, then she can go find herself and I'll wish her the best.

Sorry this wasn't the happiest of posts. Such is life. One thing I feel good about is that I'm so much knowledgable now in what I need to do. In the past, this shit would have devastated me and cause me to nosedive in life. But now, I am aware of my surroundings and know how to act. I got this and will do what I need to do to keep myself happy in life as best I can. I will not chase her and I may have to cut this off while it's still new so that I can minimize the collateral damage my heart may face. I may suggest we take a break and maybe she not come this Sunday to the wine tour.

I'll be going to Canada on the 23rd and that will come soon enough so maybe give her some space and see where she stands this November? Maybe by then I'll have my own thoughts and maybe I can just move on myself and let her ponder on life standing still going nowhere. That's her choice and I wish her well on her own journey in life. Just don't want anymore bullshit from fake people.

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