Linda broke up with me last weekend. Mainly because on the weekend we were suppose to dedicate to ourselves I realised after agreeing to it that I had to take my son for his SAT exams. She was livid that I told her I had to do this instead of discussing it. I apologised and explained it was because of how much the SAT exam means and also because I feel so guilty about my children that I tend to always act to make up for not being there with them. I also tried to explain that this is the first time I am experiencing juggling myself between my children and a woman I love that is not their mother. After some thoughts she acknowledged and confessed that she is sensitive about such things because of the failure of are ex partner in commuting to an agreement. I always mentioned to her that she beats me with the stick of the shortcomings of her ex. Anyway it was all well and the conversation ended with me to find out how long the exam will take as it would decide if I have to stay or drop him off. Another thing I did mention to her was that cos it was so early in the morning I felt I could take him and get back home while she was still sleeping.
The next day when I told her it will take four hours and that I was only going to drop him there. I also mentioned that when I drop him I may have to collect any item they don’t allow him to enter the exam hall with and I think she took it as a justification of me dropping him cos she went off again getting really annoyed. Anyway after having dinner I left and she sent me a message that we should take time off and see what happens after the weekend. So on Sunday night I send her a song she told me to always send her after an argument and told her I loved her. She replied saying we should call it off and I felt bad but calm. Since then she has been cancelling all our future engagements and all the things we set up together and asked me to return all her stuff in my house.
I am currently going through a financial challenge and compounded with this I was worried for my mental health. Surprisingly I have took it well. For a number of reasons: (1) I think the experience of the break up with my wife has prepared me better to handle such things (2) I was not hundred percent comfortable with her commitment to the relationship. She was good but I felt she was a maverick and could change her mind any time so I always held something back to allow me to cope if it happens (3) I think she is carrying a lot of mental issues from her relationship with her ex wife high will always define how she acts in any new relationships.
Yes it will take some adjustments, and I do kiss her as she was a shinning light and an enabler in my life but at what price? I would rather be alone that be with someone that even though good for me there was always some reservation.
Finally I also just get as a person I wasn’t necessarily at the right financial stage and o embark on such a relationship.
In all things I give glory to God and this has made me more determined to make my life a success. It has also shown me that it can be advantageous to have a partner that alights with what you want from life. It can be a beautiful thing. I hope one day I find the right person.
I don’t feel too sad because ultimately she broke up with me because I was being a father. That is what I am. I don’t think it is enough to cause a break up. The earlier the breakup the better so even though I do have a lump in my throat when I think of her I think ultimately and with time it will the for the best.