Grace

Smells Like Adult Spirit (But Not Really)
2019-10-02 01:13:56 (UTC)

getting really tired. dissociated and upset.

I'm going to word vomit. Anyone who's read any of my previous entries can see the ebb and flow of my sanity. Lately, it's been low.

I am so tired. Whatever powers that may be above, fuck you. I am absolutely tired of the many shit things you throw at myself and people around the world. Tonight, I will be selfish. And complain about the utter burning pain and feeling of emptiness I feel and have felt since I was a child. I am TIRED of feeling this way. I don'tknow what the fuck else to do. I am so done. Everything hurts. I am tired. I feel like I'm floating in a void, with just burning, burning, burning pain around me. But its an empty pain. I almost WISH i could feel something more. I wish I could just break . my elbow or gash my leg open and feel SOMETHING. I have never been in love. I have never felt unconditional love. I have no idea how the fuck to love myself. I've taken medication, gone through three years of therapy, and have been going to the gym for months. all of these absolute BUULLSHIT solutions have done nothing. the same fucking pain remains. i am alone. forever. i sit in this prison of four walls in a suburb wishing i was i wasn't even exisiting. i wish i was GONE. i am so tired. i just dont know what to do anymore.




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