Experienced Life
2019-10-01 06:43:51 (UTC)

Sifting through the ashes

So, it's time to stop wallowing and start getting back on track. I've worked too freaking hard for a year to self-improve. I was feeling down a bit on myself but I managed to find some positives in what happened last Sunday with Fay.
I inadvertently fooled her with how old I look. She thought I was near her age. She did say I didn't have any wrinkles. In fact, she said she had more wrinkles and couldn't believe how I didn't have any. So yeah, that's a positive. I mean there are three scenarios. Look your age. Look older than your age. Look younger than your age. So yeah, if I had to pick, I'd pick to be younger looking than my age. I'll take that.

That Sunday, she still came downstairs and snuggled up to me even after realizing our age difference from the night before. And regardless of what she says and what happened, she let this older man touch her. This means that regardless of my age, she was sexually attracted to me still. So... that is another positive for me. I can still attract a way younger woman.

Finally, I'm thankful that I can still feel what I felt. Even when you self improve, you just have this thought in the back of your mind wondering if you can still feel that special feeling. Well, regardless of what happens with Fay, I now know that my soul isn't dead. I can still feel this wonderful feeling even through all the crap I went through in life. That to me is the most positive thing from these ashes.

I forgot some of the converstations I had with Fay. I now recall that her brother, sister, and niece will be coming from Iran to live with her for a bit until they can get self sufficient. I think now, that means I will be like 2nd fiddle soon. Perhaps 5th fiddle. lol. Not being needy but I'm thinking I may possibly been not in the picture should I even keep seeing her. Yeah, not sounding so appealing now that I think about it.

Sorry readers if this makes me sound like I'm full of myself. I don't mean to. I just want to self improve and this is me trying. I'm not dead and I'm a fighter. I didn't work on myself all year just to fall flat on my ass just because of this. I'm not a paper tiger. I don't need anyone to complete me. I just forgot being caught up in this situation. No Fay is ok. I'll be ok. Time and effort is all I need.

So today, I got wine tasting and movie night with two different group of peeps. Thankful for having lots of friends :)

Ad:0 - Modern SaaS monitoring for your servers, cloud and services