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Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-09-30 12:25:30 (UTC)

Forever Tired

Organising things is hard! I miss Summer already. This Access course is really kicking my ass, as nice as it is to have Fridays off, it's tough. I feel like no matter how much sleep I get, it's never enough; I suppose that's always been the story of my life though. The classes have been fun, I've even been enjoying Geography, surprisingly. Assignments will be coming thick and fast soon, and the dreaded P word is emanating throughout every classroom we attend....'Presentations'. I am dreading it. Everything is still new and whilst cliques have developed amongst people throughout our lessons, I find myself isolated a lot. There are a few guys I will associate, laugh and sit with on our breaks and lunchtimes etc, but I don't really feel anything with them on an emotional level. We're kinda just talking to pass the time, which is fine. It just already feels incredibly tedious. I must sound like such an asshole, haha. They are nice people, I just don't have much in common with them. One of the guys there enjoys football and wrestling so it's easy to shoot the breeze with him, but there is only so much wrestling and football I can talk about before even I've had my fill of it!


So trying to balance these classes, as well as some sporadic raiding in classic WoW, hitting the gym with Trist, running and a part time job in the works soon, it's going to be manic. I've never been so busy. My life isn't really exciting, it never has been. Prior to this course I was just working 8:30pm-6am in a retail store on the weekends, I did that for 3 years. My weeks are just overloaded now, it's nice to have routine and consistency but it's really taking its toll on me. I dread to think how University will be. I still need to get on UCAS and seriously make a move with that. I've had a look at universities that appeal to me, we get up to five so I have chosen Cardiff, Swansea, Bristol and I was contemplating Newcastle, just for the hell of it. Ideally I'd like to stay at home but we'll see what happens, I don't wanna freak myself out about anything yet. I'm just trying to take things a week at a time.


All coursework is complete for today so I can just relax now. I'm gonna hit the weights with Tristan pretty soon and then I'll come home, eat, play some video games and then possibly watch The Great Gatsby. I'm trying to hold off it until we finish the book, but at the rate we're going...that's gonna be ages. Speaking of Gatsby, we had to analyse Chapter 3 in English last week. She has taken all of our work in and marked it, so I'll be keen to see what feedback she gives me on Wednesday. I gave my English lecturer pieces of my writing last week and she really enjoyed it, so hopefully it can only go from strength to strength.


Writing here has been tough lately. I think it's just a lack of sleep, ambition and motivation. Writing still helps cleanse the mind, and I do always feel a lot perkier after I've written. I just feel like I'm droning and babbling about nothing, as opposed to the alarms of impending doom and perpetual sadness that surrounded this diary, that people resonated with and what truly made it what it was; remnants of pain, misery and solace.


Edd


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