Out Kast

Nights of the Out Kast
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2019-09-25 01:34:48 (UTC)

First Writing

I really don't know where to start with all this and I don't know if I can even have the strength to write this all but, here we go right?
So It's just been about two months since my high school graduation and holy shit has every thing already changed drastically. I mean its true what they say that you should make your high school life a life to remember, and it was DEFINITELY something to remember, not saying good or bad, but god was it a moment in my life.

But I mean leaving high school, I don't want that to be a moment where I just sit disappointed in my room cause I'm afraid of being abandoned from my friends, which has happened many timed, and to my belief it has just happened for another time...

(writing this down feels like a chore already cause it just feels like how I've explained my problems to real people before, and this is the part where they get bored and stop listening/caring, but here's the cool part, I have no idea who I'm writing this for so read longer at your own risk)

I could write a freaking novel about how my high school life went in JUST A NUTSHELL but... I'm gonna save myself the useless work. If anything I just want to get the the parts that are getting to me really badly now. I have sleepless nights thinking about it, all of it.

All the "what if's" and "I cant's", the times I lie exhausted in bed in the after noon trying to just take a nap and not think till two minuets later just to find my parents barge the door open thinking I'm a lazy twat that just lies rotting In bed cause "I want to", or the times I grasp my head trying not to cave into the crippling thoughts fueled by my anxiety...

I will level with whoever is reading now, No I'm not a writer, No I do not go on to this website for self pity, no I do not ask for others pity, I want to ask you, I'f I were not desperate to find a place to discreetly rant about my problems, to talk about things I've never gotten the chance to say, do YOU really think I'd be here?

I just can't sleep, I just can't. Me being alone gives me god awful chances to dwell into my own mind and it ruins my nights. I've never had this till now after I left my high school and just flashed forward to all these responsibilities and changes and life making decisions that people have to make at such a young dumb age. I don't know which started it, me graduating and becoming an adult, or me lousing most if not all the people I talk to and being so god damn lonely.

I don't think this is a good place to end obviously but, I feel like this entry is already too long than it should of been in the first place.


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