Lost sight of a picture never taken

Lost art of keeping a secret
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2019-09-24 13:24:51 (UTC)

Gateway to it all

It amazes me how many people don’t see what lies behind someone’s eyes. That they stare blankly at a ring of colour set in white and see nothing.

“Eyes are the gateway to the soul” or so it’s said, and experience tells me that you can’t hide things from your eyes. It seems the harder you try, the worse it gets. Especially if the person looking has their eyes open.

Recently it’s left me empty, the feeling of blank stares. Music is keeping me in control, the constant noise and lack of interruption is just letting me settle. But the blank looks are starting to get to me, maybe it’s just my mood.

Even the people that should know, that should see. Maybe I’ve just got to good at hiding it, or there’s nothing there to see anymore.

Perhaps it was just another romantic idea I’d come to believe, when really I just wasn’t very good at hiding from the people that cared. My burden is my own, I wont bring anyone else down with me any more.

I don’t know if I wish to be seen, or if I’m starting to fray around the edges. Normally I start to think I want to be seen and then either get burned or listen to the voice of paranoia that saturates my mind as I start to open up. It always ends in me bringing someone else down with me though and I’m done doing that to people.

They say there’s only so much one person can take, everyone has a threshold. It feels like I’m reaching mine, with nothing to help me control it but to beat myself into the ground in the only way I can. People watch out for everything else, triggers to ask you questions or worse make decisions for you.

I thought I had this shit under control, but I can’t help but pull the threads around the edges. One day I’ll find the one I’m looking for, the one that unravels me. Then it’ll finally be done.

Here’s to sailing into a storm alone and going down with your ship.


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