Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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Ezoic
2019-09-14 20:46:50 (UTC)

RANT! II

My boss joked about me not having enthusiasm over anything. That would be all well and fine, I need to learn how to take jokes, not take myself so seriously and blah, blah, blah. Okay, so I don't show enthusiasm over anything. Gee, I wonder why. Sad, that I have to wonder if my boss knows what happened. Sad, that I have to wonder if my former boss told him about my husband's passing. Sad, that I don't know how to tell him, myself. I don't know how much difference it makes anymore for people to know. I want everyone to understand why there is little to no joy in me. That way they won't have to wonder. That way, I can feel more comfortable around people, as my random cryings occur and I get through my day, feeling insanely sad and depressed - a big chunk of it from feeling so isolated and alone.

Sadly, I don't think people wonder about it, as I don't think people care.

I know I sound like I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but how can I not in these circumstances?

I just want a friend. I beg God almost every day for one.

I feel like I'm being severely punished.

No one should have to go through this. I know I'm insanely strong, but what is the point of all this loneliness and isolation? Especially after my husband dies - a time no one should be alone. I know I can deal with it for a brief time, but this is ridiculous! I've had little to no support since my husband's death.

People who are supposedly my friends havent texted me in a month. I am thankful for the help they have given me, though they give me the impression that it was somehow a burden on them.

They can't even text me just once a week to ask how I am doing?!? Am I asking for too much?!? I don't think so! They haven't texted me in a month now. What am I, a piece of trash, a piece of dirt to them? Did they like my husband and not me and only helped me for his sake???

What kind of life is this, God?! Please, I just need a good, true friend. My heart can't take anymore loneliness. I'm not asking for a new lover, simply a friend.


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