When does the pain start to fade, the pain you feel inside when it feels like it's going to rip you apart but you have no one to turn too. How do you tell yourself your going to be pull through this when you don't believe it. How do you live day to day feeling you shouldn't be here anymore, feeling like you have no one, like you are nothing. The thoughts are telling you things that you don't want to hear or what you can't deal with what do you do then? How are you meant to feel better when it feels like the whole world is against you. When it feels like your life is a black hole and you are getting sucked in, what do you do? Since I was little I have always had these thoughts and feelings, yes I have had my family there to try and support me but who wants their mom or dad to know the sort of thoughts they are having. I don't because I know it will hurt them knowing their flesh and blood feels like life is not worth living anymore. 1 thing I have always hated is having people feel sorry for me or people thinking I want sympathy, when that is the last thing I want or need. There are days I wish I could get out of my own head and feel okay and like my life isn't falling apart right in front of my eyes. People always say you shouldn't bottle things up but what else can you do when you don't want to burden people with how you are feeling or the thoughts you are having. There are nights where I wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning so this pain would eventually go and I wouldn't feel nothing anymore. But then I don't want that because I know deep down how much it will hurt my family, which is why I write everything down so then I atleast feel a little bit better.
I just wish I could feel just one day where I feel good about myself.