Finding yourself after a breakup
Ok, I learned a little bit more today regarding breakups. This one is perhaps applicable for me on the tail end of my situation. I didn't just breakup last month and I've been applying these things already. Maybe it's more of a reminder for me or maybe it's to point out something as I'm going through life maybe? If you're reading this and you just broke up, you may not be ready for this yet. In fact, I only noticed my situation only because I realize I'm getting back some of the cool things I used to like about me again.
So anyway, this has to do with mostly self improvement and I already have those things pretty much set. I'm just trying to achieve them and I think I'm doing ok. Some things I supposed to do I already do anyway so it was easier for me.
For example, create a journal. For me, that's a duh... moment. I've been writing for awhile now to help myself heal and to see what I feel sometimes in my head that is easier to understand sometimes when you write it down. So yeah, I got the journal part checked off. Sometimes I do go back.. way back to how life was. Whew, I went through some shit for sure.
The other was to get in better, healthier, fit, etc, etc shape. Well, that too I was lucky enough to already been doing for two years now so I have that checked off and I love going to the gym. You end up getting new outfits. You get stronger so your hobbies are more enjoyable. People treat you better. No shit. You can have the same heart inside of you but people; treat you better when you are not 50 pounds overweight. Even today, I was at Costco and had a bottle of spiced rum on the conveyer belt. The lady in front of me checks out my food and says to me "boy, I'd like to have some of that". I mean she wasn't hitting on me or anything but in the past 10 years before I used to go to the gym, no stranger would take to me. No one would say anything when I was in any line waiting for whatever it was. No one would say one word to me in the elevator. Nada, nothing. Then in the past year and a half, peeps start saying stuff. Didn't understand it at first because I'm even older now so I thought the older you are, the more invisible you become. Only in the past 6 months did I realize what was going on. So yeah, hit the gym!!!
Seek counseling. Well, this is the grey area and to be honest, I was worried they may take my firearms away if I did go to counseling for depression and stuff. I'm in CA so I said heck no to that. Not sure if they wouldn't taken them away but it's a hobby I like and it gives me peace of mind at home. I feel safe and sound. However, I did start going to church and they have a lot of things that touches me that makes me want to improve myself as a person. So I consider this as counseling.
Eating right. Well, I think I'm good at it and a lady way. I know how to moderate my intake. Good during the week then party on Garth on the weekends. So, I've been fluctuating from 155 on Fridays then back to 160 on Mondays. I've been doing this for awhile now. My gym classes were from Monday - Friday so it worked out pretty good.
Make new friends. That too I already did but I really made an effort (or at least I was a couple of months before surgery) to do this. I was used to people approaching me and then I'd be nice back. Well, I did try and my new friend list jumped exponentially. But then came the surgery and it of course slowed down a little.
There's more but this post is starting to get too dang long. Even I'm getting bored a little. haha. So let's get down to the new stuff I guess.
I'm supposed to write things down that I like to do. What made me smile is that things I used to like, I didn't even feel like doing anymore after breaking up. Now, I have strong urges to go kayaking and fishing again. I have to confess, I didn't feel like doing this at all most of the past 12 months. But now, I'm looking forward to setting up my fishing gear for a trip to a place called Amador lake. I have this strong urge to kayak too. Now I didn't realize what was going on. I just felt like doing the fun cool things I used to like doing. That's when I took a step and smiled at myself. Almost to the point of a small tear starting in the corner of my eyes. But no, my man-card stopped me from doing so. It does make me feel good though. I'm getting back the little things in life that I enjoyed and it's coming around the corner again
Also as far as new skills, once I get going on things I like to do for sure, I'm supposed to start things I'm not sure about. Not because it reminds me of my ex but things I wasn't sure of even from before I met my ex. One thing I want to start up is to learn to box. Also, I want to learn how to play the ukulele. I tried the uke before but at the time, I was just broken up and I was just going through the motion. So that's my new things I want to try.
Going on trips. A big check on that. Canada next month baby. I'm not just dong it because it was suggested, I'm doing it because it's sounds so exciting, fun, and exploring new shit just feels like a great idea.
So I think I posted a lot of this stuff before. So like I said, some of this is like applicable on the tail end of my journey because I'm already doing a lot of these things. But people need to do this. When you break up, you may have issues with your friends. Nothing about your friends but you may have been seeing friends as a couple. Now that you've broken up, it may be awkward. I imagine couples going out to dinner was fine. Now as single person going out with the same couples.....awkward. Talk about the elephant in the room?
After a breakup, even your memories aren't yours. Passing by a place that you and your now ex used to go and have fun? Maybe a restaurant or movie theater you both went to? Those memories aren't even yours and yours alone anymore and it still may feel like a little dagger in your gut. So that's why you should go and check out new restaurants you never been to before. Try new stuff. Rebuild yourself to the new you. And this part I heard was freaking great. It went something like "Rebuild the new you the way you want to be". I took that to heart. Building a new me? Clean slate? Sounds amazing!!!!!!!!
So if you're reading this and you are messed up from a breakup. Sorry, but life can and does get better if you work on it. I used to say "No, it doesn't get better, just different" I'm pretty sure I even posted this a few years ago on the site. But I was wrong. I can and it does get better. It's all on you and you have what it takes to make it better. You don't need to have someone acknowledge you to know that. Yes, being with someone is a normal desire. I get it. But if you can be ok on your own and if you keep improving yourself, imagine what can happen when you find someone cool to walk next to you in life?
Remember, reset and start building the new you that you want to be. :) Good night for now
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