Where Pelicans Fly
6/10/1993 Thurs. 6 AM
As of yesterday, I’ve been here for a year. I feel as if I’ve accomplished so much as well as nothing at the same time.
Well, L.A. was all one big fucking con. Just one big fucking joke. I’m right back where I’ve always been with my singing - nowhere. I’m both shocked and not shocked. I’m not shocked cuz I really believe God doesn't want me to have my dream or anything else that really matters to me. I’m shocked cuz Scott’s the last person I ever thought would be a con artist.
Well, I hope Scott’s real fucking happy. I rearranged my whole fucking schedule and got all psyched up over nothing. He knew exactly what he was doing and intended this from day one. The anger, frustration, anxiety and depression over this are gonna last quite a while. I’m not gonna ever let myself lose this bitterness for the sake of protecting myself. I hope he knows he's made just as much an ass of himself as he has of me. You don't know how it's been one hell of an ordeal to restrain myself from going over there and bashing his head. He obviously knows this as he's not called or come over. He's chicken shit and no doubt very embarrassed.
He'll get his, though, and I’ll write more about it later.
6/12/1993 Sat. 6:50 AM
Continuing with Scott - well - he's gonna get a tape, but not till Andy gets his stuff back (his VCR & tape recorder). Keri left a note on his door to bring his stuff to the office and he hasn't. Andy’s gonna take legal action since Scott’s continuing to play his favorite game of never doing anything he says he's gonna do.
My friendship is his loss. Like I said, he knew exactly what he was doing. With all the things he told me about his life and himself, who knows what was really true and what was bullshit. He and Steve (the guard who turned out to be a complaining, whining asshole) would make great lovers if they were gay. They're both so unstable and insecure and Steve goes from sweet and kind one minute to flipping out the next. They're great for each other. They can't impress people with the truth, they've got to lie to feel as if they've impressed you.
I know this wasn't an issue of sex for Scott as he's happy with Chris, so he says. Andy called her to tell her to tell him to leave his stuff in the office and she blew a fuse. She denied any relationship with Scott, but I think she was just covering him.
The tape speaks my mind as well as lets him know that I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around. That I’d love for him to come face me. If he's so tough and not a wimp, why won't he face me? The guy's never home and the few times I knocked when there were lights on and I knew he was home, he was too chicken to open the door.
I left a message with his father which was, “All in due time.”
I just left Andy a message that I know my VCR’s a piece of shit, but he could have it if he wants it.
Now, there are certain things I don't think are Scott’s style, but I also didn't think it was his style to be a con artist, so I changed my locks. Maintenance did it for $25. I’m 99% sure he'd never enter while I was here and 98% sure he wouldn't while I was gone, but why take any chances? He could come in to take back the TV, but for what he's put me through, he owes me this much. Along with the couch. Believe me, though, I wish he would come in with me here. He's too chicken to even call, let alone face me in person.
I also was sure to put lots of lies on the tape; exactly what I got from him.
So far Tom's been a great friend. It looks as if he's gonna stay that way, but who knows? Who knows what the future holds? This is what Tammy said too, who is just as pissed at Scott as I am. No, I never thought I’d live here and find a job I liked, but my dream is 100% hopeless. Why waste my money on a demo like Andy says? The same con games will happen.
I haven't been to work in a week cuz Scott fucked my schedule up with his games. Also, I’ve been wanting to get out of the Mile High cuz it's so dead. Tom's gonna take me to audition at the Candy Store. At 3:00, when the Mile High opens, I’ve got to go clean out my locker. My latex, heels and several costumes are there. The guy at the Candy Store said I could come in any time and easily cut $100 a night. Let's hope so. Many have said it's good money there and it's the same distance away. They have the same long killer shifts Sha Na Na's did from 11 AM-6 PM & 6 PM-1 AM. You don't have to work a minimum of 4 days or nights, though, which is cool. I’d like to hopefully get Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 6 PM-1AM. I do have a good vibe about money there.
The name Mystery has got to go. I wanted a unique name, but it's too far out. I’m sick of, "What's your name?" "History?" "Misery?" "Are you a mystery?"
I think I may go by Shaunee.
I only owe $97.35 for this month on rent. All my other bills are paid.
Jamie (Gail) called while I was at the pool. She wanted to know where I’ve been.
I’ll write more later.
6/13/1993 Sun. 11:30 AM
Tom will be here any minute. I don't have time to write about everything right now. But I can say this - I was hired at the Candy Store yesterday with no audition! Neat, huh? I’m on my way over there till 6:00, then I’ll be working Thursday - Saturday.
6/15/1993 Tues. 3:11 PM
Boy oh boy, do I have a lot of updating. Last Sunday I worked at the Candy Store from noon-5 PM and made $39, even though it was dead due to the basketball finals. There were things I liked and disliked. The Mile High is definitely the nicest-looking club. It's nice and roomy and so was the dressing room and bathroom. The dressing room at the Candy Store's too damn small. Even smaller than Sha Na Na's.
Last Saturday I called Mark at the Mile High and told him what happened with Scott and L.A. He was very understanding about it. He told me John and some of his friends were in looking for me. Wait till I tell John, who's gonna want to kill Scott as much as I do. His pager's been disconnected so I can't contact him. I told Steve and Mark and Pete to tell him to call me if they see him.
I told Meagan to give Tiffany my number. She's having a costume altered for me.
Steve’s gonna pick me up from work, and Alicia, a neighbor, may bring me in. I’ll get to her later, but Pete was encouraging me to come back and was bashing the Candy Store. He said anytime I wanted to return, I could. That's cool to know.
I want to give the Candy Store a chance and see how money is there. I really do think it'll be better. I’ll be working every other Sunday. Then from 6 PM-1 AM and every Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 6 PM-1 AM.
The Candy Store does look nice, though. It's all mirrors and lights and so far the girls seem ok. There are two stages. You do two sets per stage and that sucks, but oh well. If I make more money there, it'll be worth it.
Tom took me to both places, but he said he'd stay in the car since he's straight and attracted to me.
He and I tried to fix my typewriter and we couldn't. It's getting worse too, and I believe very soon I’ll need to go to another pawnshop.
There are several things I need and want.
Tammy told the 3 different credit card companies for who she owes thousands that she moved here. She gave them my name, number and address, and I keep telling them she's sending money soon when they call. She got a job as a security guard and says she'll send them money soon.
Andy moved and he loves his apartment but says his neighbors can be noisy. I had a bad feeling about that.
He came over yesterday and brought over the straightening iron from Velma. I like it and it's even easier to use than the crimping iron. It's quicker, I mean.
I gave him a new spare key.
Sometime soon I have to make another appointment with Montgomery/Ward. Andy says it'll be no problem taking me there cuz he lives right near there.
I also have a new female doctor (Dr. Wilcox) and I have to see her. I must get my teeth cleaned, too.
I must start saving money for various things. A bedroom set and a fan on a stand. Maybe an entertainment center someday. New swimsuits, new sneakers, new blank videos, CDs and I’m sure there's some other stuff I’m forgetting.
I spoke with both my parents a while ago and it was ok, but I know soon enough they'll be back to their same old shit. My mother did shock me, though, by admitting she did fuck up as a mother.
I never sent ma a birthday card, but I sent dad a Father’s Day card.
A few weeks ago I was listening to this radio station with two male DJs and one female named Jamie. The guys were picking on her saying she had PMS, so they set up a hotline. Naturally, the guy callers took the guy's side and the women sided with Jamie. Jamie asked one female caller if she had a husband or a boyfriend and she said, "No, but I have a wife and a girlfriend."
I turned around and called and asked Jamie if she had a husband or boyfriend. She said yes. I said she oughta consider dating a woman cuz they're more sensitive.
Can you believe 20 minutes later they put that on the air, too?
6/16/1993 Wed. 5:47 PM
I just got through talking to Andy who was very depressed. He hates his job and most of his coworkers.
Before talking to Andy, I spoke with Tom. He says he's trying to think of something marketable for my edits with a possibility of money being made, too. Some time I gotta go check his new house out and all his different computers.
Next Monday at 1:45 I have to see Dr. Wilcox. Tom's taking me.
I’m gonna edit Tom soon as well as Stacey. In 10 minutes the office closes at the VV. I’ll record her outgoing message, edit it, then put it on the office machine.
Andy called her Monday cuz they ripped off part of his deposit money, which figures. I listened silently as typical Stacey had her mind made up and wouldn’t budge. Then I called and said she was a bitch. She giggled and said, "Jodi, I’ve already turned your name over to collections."
I said fine and laughed, then she hung up. No mention of Bob's letter I sent her. Sarah’s to be getting Bob's next letter. Sarah’s given Andy and I her VM code, so we call here and there and pick up her messages.
US West really pissed me off last week. I mean, this fucking phone company is so fucked up. I never ordered the removal of my Caller ID blocks (it blocks my name and number from others with caller ID). They did anyway, cuz I got a call from a Steven P. I called the number back and there were 3 or 4 kids. A girl named Robin was trying to call her friend Meagan and her number is one digit off mine. So I crossed them a few times, then I heard the boy say (the girl's brother), “I have her name and number.” So naturally, I’m thinking, the hell you do. But then he said my name and I was like, fuck you, US West! I bitched the damn company out and now I’m re-blocked.
Still no word or call from asshole Scott, but I left the tape by his door. Hope he enjoys it.
I’m working the next 3 nights and I can't wait to see how the money is. A girl named Alicia I met who lives here says she'll drive me in. I’ll write more about her later.
I need to give Tom $20 and the office $97.35.
6/25/1993 Fri. midnight
I have quite a bit to discuss and some of it isn't cool.
The Candy Store hired me on the 12th. Up front, they promised me I could work nights. Friday night I made $141! Then these idiots had the nerve to tell me I couldn't come back but was welcomed to their club in Bullhead City. That's 4 hours away! They offered to drive me and pay for my food and hotel, but I’d be gone for weeks at a time. Away from all my stuff. No thanks. This is legit, though, as other dancers said they've done it before, too. Bullhead City is deader than dead. Finally, they told me I could stay with them if I’d work days. Fuck that!
Last night I called Centerfolds, only to not be told what I should've been told over the phone. Instead, Andy came all the way over here, I got all decked out only to go there and be told they had too many night shift girls. I told them over the phone I’d only work nights. There were a lot of girls in there, too. Of all different types. Some were bigger, some were smaller. They also own Band-Aids and they told me I’d be hired there, but it's too far away.
Then, Andy checked the New Times. Everything was so far away, but I called a place called Favors that does private room dancing. The girl there said they usually make $500 - $900 a week, but it's 25 minutes away. I called the cab company and asked how much the fare would be and I was told $15. You have to work 5 days a week, so both ways would be $150 a week in cab fare! This is crazy.
I also called an ad for a model, but the guy said it'd be only once a week for two hours and only $10 an hour.
My last choice and only choice is to return to the Mile High. However, with the way everyone's been going back on their word with me, I’m afraid they'll do that too, even though I’ve been told I could return if I wanted or needed to. While I was talking to Tammy, I was talking to Mark and he said to call him tomorrow. This tells me something scary. Where the fuck do I go if he contradicts me too? I’ll just have to call tomorrow and hope for the best. I’ll pray to God, but don't know if I believe in that or if it'll work.
I just called the Mile High and now fucking Mark's going back on his word, too! That motherfucker!
I just paged Steve and he's checking into the name of a possible nearby escort service, but he doesn't know if it's still open. He also may know in a week if he's gonna be running some other escort service. If I were to try Favors, he said he'll cut 1/3 of the fare and have his day driver take me in and he'd take me home. The last possibility is Highlighters. I called them and they're accepting applications. So, it'll be either Favors, an escort service Steve will run, Highlighters, or this other one that's closer if it's open.
I’m really fucking pissed at the Candy Store and the Mile High. Every time I get something set up that's good for me as far as money and schedules, someone just has to come and fuck it all up. I would've done really well working nights at the candy store, but it's their loss, too. They're losing someone good.
There are other possibilities, but they're way in the future if they ever happen. It has to do with Tom and his computers and maybe my music and or edits. He's been working these 12-hour killer shifts and he wants to change jobs. Computers are his thing. He mentioned something about how he designs the instructions for Nintendo games and would need to use my ear for certain pitches. We'll see, but in the meantime, he has a computer hooked up to a keyboard, so what music you play is printed out so you don't have to write it. He's also checking into my getting my songs sold once and for all. If he can figure out how to get that started, I’ll take it from there.
Andy asked why in the world I want to sell my songs and get so little while someone else could make millions. Well, I’m never gonna be rich and famous and singing my own songs, so why not let someone else do it? Little money's better than no money.
I just went to call Andy, but he's either on the phone or has it off the hook as it only rang once.
Tom took me to see my new doctor last Monday. She was nice, but some time before I go back I must have blood work done. Fun, huh?
I also have to make an appointment at Montgomery/Ward to have my picture taken, but these things aren't my top priority now.
I haven't edited Stacey’s message yet to put on the machine over there, but on the 16th, Judy left a message. She only said that if this were still my number, please call her back. She never left a reason. It's probably over the rent they say I owe that I don't owe. It could also be to question me about Bob's letter, but how could they tie that to me? All they can do is suspect me.
Speaking of the VV, well, there were two guys shot over there a few days ago. They arrested a guy I don't know. In fact, Andy called up Judy to ask about it. She said the people who were shot don't even live there, and no residents were involved.
I edited Tom the other day and he sure got a kick out of it. He and I get along so great (for now). He does seem understanding of how hard it is for me to trust people and why, but right now, at this moment, we have a great friendship. He's very sensitive and even though we're complete opposites, we don't try to change one another. Opposites almost never get along. So far he's kept his word on things and he says he's treating me to a trip to Vegas in about 4 weeks, but I still have to see it to believe it as much as I think he's telling the truth. He said, "Ok, I understand. I like to prove myself anyway."
DES sent a letter for an appointment for food stamps. Then, they turned around and sent a change report form and I said could do it by mail. I’ll try, but it'll be hit or miss.
I still have to see Andy and Tom's new place. Andy says he likes it where he is, but the guy above him stomps 24 hours a day. Well, I can't say I pity him as whoever lives below him is hearing the same thing from him.
Andy’s gonna rent a camcorder one of these days soon, so we can film our apartments and surroundings for our families. We'll split the cost.
A few days ago Andy was here, and guess who he ran into as he was driving out? Driving in front of him was none other than conman himself. They ended up talking for an hour and a half. Andy began to follow him and so they pulled over to talk right by my old apartment.
He swears up and down that he's gonna give Andy his stuff back this Saturday, but we know he's full of shit. He's a head player. He likes to promise shit he's never gonna do and he obviously loves to go to court. The head player swears he never had any intentions of conning me, but I know that's BS too. He said he has canceled plane tickets as proof. He bitched that I was supposed to have trusted him to take me on the 7th, and cuz I called Steve twice, he canceled it. Yeah, right. Great excuse. He mentioned me calling his father, but I didn't do that till after the 7th. He said I called Pepsi but that's BS cuz I don't even know who to call. I know they're not listed as Pepsi. Probably some kind of machine repair service, but there are so many. Andy said that we both know he never intended to take me to L.A. And that he doesn't know Bill. Naturally, he denied it as well as the letter I got in the mail two days ago.
It was addressed to "Slut" O and it said: Dear Jodi: You sick, ugly, dancing whore. We all know where you live. Your Caller ID won't save you. The police will be by to escort you back to Mass. where you belong, love???
Very few people know I have Caller ID and what happened in MA. Of everyone I know, this is Scott’s style and perfect timing. It could've been Steve too, as they're tight together. They're an "item." It could've been someone at the VV, but I highly doubt it and I’ll get into why I doubt it in a moment. The thing of it is, though, they addressed it to the other apartment, #2001. I’ll bet Scott couldn't remember the new #2067 number off the top of his head, so he wrote 2001 knowing it'd be forwarded here. He was probably too terrified to chance running into me if he came by here. I doubt Scott wrote it as it's too neat for a male to have written. I’ll bet he had Crystal write it.
I doubt Stacey had anything to do with it, but there's a slim possibility. She could've gotten my forwarding address, suspected me on Bob's letter and done it. She never liked me, especially in the beginning, and she's very serious, old-fashioned and very narrow-minded. She would be the type to hate dancers, she knows I have Caller ID and she knows about MA.
The only other possibilities are Donna and Andi over there, but they don't have the info about MA or caller ID.
It's definitely Scott and Steve, but the difference between Stacey and Keri over here is the difference between black and white. Scott and Steve are great for each other and they can have a happy life together, but it's only a matter of time before they both fuck each other over.
Scott said he could've sent the tape to MA and gotten me in big trouble.
Bull. He wouldn't even know who to contact and where. I also spoke to a cop for info as far as the tapes go and he says they're not admissible in court. Who the fuck knows, but I am far from worried. It'd kill his ego to go to the cops anyway. Scott’s got 3 major problems. 1. He lies. 2. He never does what he says he's gonna do. 3. He contradicts himself and or denies things that he or others said or did.
Andy said several times he wanted to come fuck me up, but Crystal stopped him. Yeah, right. A girl who hates me and is totally on his side is gonna stop him? The truth is, he's fucking terrified of me and we all know it.
He said, why should he help me? What's he get in return? Andy told him the truth and that's that he would've had a grateful friend and I would've helped him in any way possible.
I can sense, and have been told by Scott himself, how fucked up Crystal is. Well, they can both fuck each other over. They deserve each other.
Now here's the best of the Scott news as far as the tape's concerned. He is fucking terrified, according to Andy! Great. I don't feel one bit guilty after all he's done to me. Andy could see how the tape had him all stressed out and scared shitless. Scott also says he's terrified I’m gonna fuck up his cars. He also says he's still having problems with Eric and the office here as far as his apartment goes. Good. He deserves it. He can feel many of the things he’s made me feel. He's always gonna have enemies till he learns how to treat people.
In other news, I just called the Candy Store and asked for Russ. He's the owner and Omar’s cousin. I told him again I can't work days, but does he have anything open for nights yet? He told me to call him Monday but I can't buy anything anyone says till I see it work out. I really do want to return if nothing else comes up. The money's great there and the girls were nice.
There's this gorgeous girl there who says she's bi. I know she'll never call me, but I gave her my number anyway. There are a few girls working there that I know. Sativa (who goes by Chanelle), Rena, and none other than the gorgeous Marcella herself.
At the pool today I met this very pretty and nice girl named Susan who's visiting from Flagstaff. She's had gay friends but I think she's straight.
Two days ago I met a really nice couple and their 10-year-old son at the pool.
As far as Alicia, well, I met her a couple of weeks ago and there's no way I want to be her friend. She's more of a wacko than Ellie was. She didn't do anything to me, but I have a feeling she may if I don't avoid her. I’m surprised that she hasn't called. Anyway, we met at the pool where she lives and she reminds me so much of K.D. Lang. K.D. Lang's ugly, butchy and she's very plain. Very tall and skinny and she's bi. She's addicted to a million different medications due to anxiety, stress, depression, anger, you name it. She talks frantically non-stop and I can't get a word in edgewise. She flips from one very emotional subject to another, and no, I was never that bad myself.
6/30/1993 Wed. 7:40 PM
I am at my new job now where there's way more money, yet plenty of time to write. I now work at Favors a half-hour away from where I live, but it's a million times better than a bar. I have so much updating to do and you'd never believe all that's happened. It's amazing. Counting me, 8 girls work here. My name here is Shauna. There is also Sarah, Alyssa, Amber, Monique (I haven't met Kayla yet), and another girl who was hired. Lea and her husband Ron are the owners. Lea dances here and there and Ron's the photographer.