Subtropical Lady

March 1993 (1)

3/4/1993 Thurs. 1:40 AM

Once again, I have so much updating to do. I mean, I am swamped with it, let alone with the other things I'm working on. I have a major project going on now with my journals. I have 4 little books which I don't like and no longer want. Number 8 was mostly all phone numbers. I've gone and copied them into number 18. I took two of the big books I just got and in one of them, I copied the old number 10. I also numbered the new big one number 10. Then, I took one other big book and numbered it number 5. I'm now almost halfway through number 6. I threw out number 8, but when I have all 3 (5, 6 & 10) copied, I'm sending them to Fran.

I met the guy (Dave) who just moved in down below me. He seems nice and the great thing about it is that he's never home just like Jeff. He also didn't make too much noise the day he moved in which was the 1st.

I'm lucky in that area, but I finally reached my breaking point with Andi, the bitch next door. Ever since I turned her in and bitched cuz of the herd of kids, she's been getting up real early very noisily, slamming and banging. She also shakes the building very early on the weekends. I spoke to Mary and asked her how she was dealing with the situation and she was pissed off too, and has had it herself with the bitch. She told me how she needs her rest on the weekends so she can be rested enough to handle the weekdays. I told her there was no way my bitching was gonna change things and that I knew this was all aimed at me cuz of the herd of kids I bitched out. Then, I realized that Mary could either fuel her further, as obviously, this bitch has a problem with getting complaints. Or she could make her realize her aiming her shit on me was affecting Mary who also has CP and get her to shut the fuck up. So, last Sunday Mary went up there and basically laid it out on the line. She told me she was nice about it and would be quieter, but we'll see. Meanwhile, she fucked me out of work last weekend and that doesn't set really well with me.

After I move I'm gonna take real good care of her. I'm gonna have Andy leave her notes on her door as well as possibly have Kara egg her patio or truck or do something messy.

Now to speak of Kara – well – who knows where she is? She'll contact me sooner or later as she wouldn't just drop completely out of my life, but I'm not sure if she's in Vegas. If she said she went, then she did, but Laurie told me an interesting story. She said that she ran into Kara's mother and she said she took all her stuff and split. I know her mother could be a bitch and that they didn't always get along, but where could she or would she go?

Mary also took me food shopping the other day and she was up here for a visit and for me to give her a reading. I told her I had an 80% accuracy and she's happy with that.

2:51 AM

I almost forgot to mention one other thing about Andi next door. I totally disguised my handwriting and wrote her a note from "Daryl," the guy who moved in next to Andy and behind her. It wrote: I recently moved in behind you in the front of the building. I realize you get up very early during the weekdays and I don't get up till 9:00. Please try getting up quietly as well as early on the weekends.

She oughta love that.

Next Sunday I should know from Scott who's gonna be taking over my lease and when, as well as if I can type for him. Well, I'll find out about the typing Monday. I asked if I could type for him with or without the dancing for $600 a month. He said yes and that is what he pays his secretaries who are in Michigan, where he's from. I have a plan that I hope I can follow, but like I said, I won't know for sure till next Monday. I'll explain why I won't know till next Monday later, but here's my plan. To quit Sha Na Na's and type for him while I still live here. Why? For 3 reasons. One is cuz I never know if I can sleep without being woken up here during the day. It's a 50/50 hit-or-miss deal. Two is cuz after I do move, I want to work at a club closer to where I'll be living. Three is cuz I want to work at a classier club where I'll make more money. I think there are two reasons why Sha Na Na's doesn't do too well. Due to the publicity of the raids in their other clubs doesn't help much. Also, Omar and Dave are Arabs and so many people hate them.

Steve said he'd still flat rate me $5, but I'd prefer a 5-10-minute ride to and from work, rather than a 20-25.

Also, there's this classier club where Scott's sort of seeing someone who’s working there. She's making way more than I am. I've still been earning much much more than the average person, but not as much as I thought I'd be and that I know is possible. It's possible to take home $100 or more after tip-out and that's exactly what I want to do. On top of everything else, I still don't think I'll be dancing for too much longer anyway. Hopefully, real soon the music will be taking over. It's a waiting game in the beginning just like Scott said, but once things begin, they should really roll. I always envisioned that once I got my foot in the door things would roll fast from there. And that I wouldn't have to struggle for years and years. I still have to go through the steps just like everyone else, though. Scott's word is very dependable about Bill T and he's always come through on everything he's told me so far. I guess I might start out backing up other big celebrities since you usually don't start out on the front lines anyway.

When I was sick with the flu, Scott called me to tell me he'd just gotten out of the ER. He told me he saw 3 guys try to force a woman into their car and he stepped in using his martial arts, even though he did get banged up a bit. He managed to save the woman who'd call to thank him every two hours and the police were very pleased.

Then, also while I was sick, he came over with $100 of food! That was really very nice of him.

4 AM

At 6:30 my time this morning I called Barbara at 8:30 her time. Marie was there too who also lives there, but we never spoke. I asked Barbara if she knew who I was. At first, she didn't but then it hit her and she said, "Oh, you fucking asshole! I've been dealing with you since you left and at that time everything was fine."

I asked her how life in CT was and she said she wished I were there so she could kick my ass and I just laughed. She also asked me why I sent Debbie shit and what I got against her. I told her that this coming June 15th I'd be there to take care of her. She asked if I was gonna bring my little buddies and then she just basically cussed me out telling me I should've died back when I was in the hospital, I don't know how to be awake, all I know how to do is be up all night.

Andy's right. After it's all over is when you wish you'd taped it.

Well, now that I'm 110% sure I'll never see the remaining ¾ of my picture collection my mom ditched, no matter what anyone says about it, I went and killed off the rest of my collection. I did hang onto a few pictures, but as I said before, I want all of my collection, not part of it. I know what Tammy and my dad would and wouldn't do, but I also know how my mom operates. It's totally her style to do something like this to me. One last chance to control and take away something she knows I love.

I don't know if I wrote about Scott's past at all yet, but I'll just go through the whole story. Well, most people can't remember exactly what they were doing on a certain day 6 months ago. Most people don't keep journals like I do. He once had a couple million that his ex-wife fucked him completely out of. His ex and a detective framed him for arson which he never committed. While he was out of state getting a speeding ticket by the highway patrol, a house on his street was being lit on fire. Somehow his ex and this detective made it look like he did it and he ended up in jail for two years. Meanwhile, his dad got a letter about this ticket he never paid. He noticed it was at the same time this fire was lit and they gathered a successful appeal and he got out of prison. While in prison, his ex destroyed all his tax, business and work records from the businesses he owned as well as stole all his money. Right at this moment, he's trying to gather all the proof he needs to show the IRS he did pay his taxes from 1986 to 1991. He has a meeting with them next Monday. I have a good vibe that the meeting will go well, but if it doesn’t I won't be able to type for him this last month while I still live here and I'll have to return to Sha Na Na's. We'll see. In the meantime, he knows 3 people from his church who are probably interested in taking over my lease if he can't get his old roommate to take it. My lease isn't up till June 31st, said Stacey, but there's no way I'm gonna stay here till then.

Scott just moved into the same complex I'm going to be moving into. It's a concrete structure, rather than a wooden one like this place is. It's 10 minutes away from here in the very northern part of the city. Scott has a 2-bedroom which is about 930 square feet for $535 a month. He got a 2-bedroom in case he ever has his son Matthew with him. I saw the 2-bedroom model as well as a model of the 730 square foot 1-bedroom on the 3rd floor. Like here, I guess the 2-bedrooms go up to 2 floors and 1-bedrooms go to 3. Who knows about their studios?

The name of the complex is Crystal Creek. Andy will call it Crystal Creep or Crystal Crotch, no doubt. Scott says it's very very quiet there. It has a lot of features - washer, dryer, free cable, big microwave, dishwasher, frost-free refrigerator, large walk-in closet, huge storage closet off of a huge private patio, French doors, vaulted ceilings, fireplace, lush landscaping with waterfalls and little wooden bridges you walk over, tons of cactuses and palm trees, 2 pools, 2 spas, covered parking, exercise room and courtesy patrol. All for $425 a month!

It's gorgeous there and my address will be something like East Bell Rd. My phone number oughta be the same unless they don't have this 589 exchange out there.

I told my family about this as well as about Capitol Records and they're very very happy for me. I also hope to move by the 1st of April, or sooner.

5:22 AM

As far as Velma's concerned, I'm extremely disappointed and pissed off. Every now and then I am fooled by a person's character. Other than when it comes to money, she's a generous and friendly person. But obviously, when it comes to money, she's a selfish, stingy little fuck. I gave her $60 to do my hair which never worked out right, as it doesn't with everyone. She took it personally. I told her to grow up and realize that even though there are no guarantees, I want a partial refund. I should be happily compensated in some way. I told her to get me a straightening iron and I'd still be out some money cuz the thing will only cost $15 to $30 bucks. She doesn't have to pay back the difference cuz she took 4 hours to do the procedure. She can keep the $15 I never should've given her for her birthday. She said we should do it over again, but no way. We'd just waste our time cuz if it didn't work once it's not gonna work a second time and my hair's fried enough. So, obviously the selfish, stingy little shit can't be that hard up for customers, cuz she could've kept me as a customer to do my bangs and I'd buy hair care products from her, too. So, unless she calls me to take my offer which is fair, I want nothing to do with her or people like her.

5:50 AM

I haven't heard from Celeste, nor do I want to for two reasons. One is that she's into drugs, and the other’s that I think her husband Joe's not gonna be able to keep out of it so easily. Their best bet is to get someone bi and who's also on drugs or who doesn't care about them being into drugs. In the end, though, I do appreciate their honesty. I want someone bi or gay where there's mutual attraction. I also want someone who's not committed to anyone, male or female, and who doesn't want to be. Well, I just may possibly have that with two women I met at the club. They're not other dancers, they came in as customers.

One's name is Leanne, though her real name is Sarah. She's bi and has been with 3 other women. She's 23 and 6 feet tall with dyed, yet natural-looking blond hair and blue eyes. Her weight is just right. We've had some very nice talks on the phone, but haven't gotten together yet. She's been moving out of her own apartment and back in with her mom.

The second one is Julia Z and she's a gorgeous Mexican, my favorite, and her hair's even longer than mine! It's thick, dark and curly. She's 5 feet tall with dark eyes and she's a little thinner than Leanne. I think she's 23 too, but she's never been with a woman before but has thought about it a lot. She called me once, but I don't yet know when we'll be getting together. Here's the shocker about these girls. They don't like butches, don't do drugs, they find me attractive, and don't want kids for the same reasons I don't.

Andy got up next door very much less noisy. Gee! I wonder why?

8:45 AM

I'm still awake and I wish I could be all day. It's gonna be a beautiful day out and I want to go to the pool and get some color.

I forgot to mention that I called Omar to tell him I was putting him on hold and why. I explained my situation.

I also called Tammy and told her everything that's been going on.

I hope that this Sunday Scott can get someone in here by the 15th.

Yesterday I called and I spoke to a woman at Crystal Creek who said that if I moved in on the 15th, they could pro-rate my rent. Meaning, I'd pay half a month.

Andy's got the day off so he'll probably go apartment hunting again today like he did yesterday. He doesn't think I'll have sex with Leanne or Julia cuz either they'll cancel or I'll chicken out. No, I definitely won't chicken out knowing they're attractive and after speaking to them. If we don't get together, it'll be due to a problem on their end only.

3/5/1993 Fri. 12:35 AM

While I'm watching TV I'm gonna write. Tomorrow Andy and I are going to the mall where I'm going to pick out one of the 10 pictures that were taken of me.

I'm also gonna buy him a silk shirt which he wanted for his B-Day.

Saturday night I'm probably gonna go to Sha Na Na's. This way I can still have more income till I know when I'm gonna move for sure. After I move I'll transfer.

I can't wait to get into this gorgeous apartment!

3/6/1993 Sat. 5:07 AM

I am pissed! I fell asleep at 3:00 and I only slept an hour. Fuck that shit! All I know is that I was having weird dreams.

The proofs came out OK. Andy took me to my 7:30 appointment last night. The one I chose has me leaning on my side with my hair flowing down my side.

After that, he and I went to a restaurant called J.B.'s. It was so-so, but we really loved the Black-Eyed Pea.

I took an hour and 40 minutes to cut coupons for him. He was quite pleased.

He also gave me some blooper photos and also photos he doesn't want. I'll split them up between Kim, Bob, Fran and Nervous.

I spoke to Kim for 15 minutes before we left for Valley West Mall. She's not as stable emotionally and financially as she'd like to be.

I'm gonna bitch out Sprint next Monday. They sent me a letter saying they need a $100 deposit. I've had their service now for a month and now they're telling me this?! I'm gonna give them an ultimatum. To either go shove their $100 or I don't want their service.

7:25 AM

I'm still up and furious so I called Nervous. We had a nice talk about our lives in general.

I put the radio on the stereo softly since I don't know if Andi or anyone else is gonna decide to rock the building. The true test will be this weekend, but so far, and with very much thanks to Mary, Andi's been quieter. Also thanks to “Daryl's” note. She's been getting up quieter during the weekdays.

I hope I get enough sleep cuz I really want to work tonight. I was gonna wait till I heard from Scott, but I decided not to.

I made another big mistake with Andy. I gave him Scott's number to his beeper about Scott fixing his VCR. With Scott's permission, but that's not the point. The point is, is that no matter how much Andy promises not to talk about me (other than just trivial and general stuff), he will. And the bulk of it will be negative shit about me or personal. I have no problem with telling friends my personal ups and downs, but from my mouth only, when I'm ready to and in the mood. They haven't gotten together yet, but they're bound to sooner or later.

Anyway, here are the names of some of the dancers where I work: René, Alex, Toni, Pearl, Diamond, Ruby, Brandy, Storm, Venus, Christine, Pebbles, Danya, Rena, Corey, Dawn, Dee Dee, Alicia, Donna, Dallas, Tracy, Susie, Crystal, Ronnie and that's all I care to think of at the moment.

I really must try to hit the sack.

3/7/1993 Sun. 1:35 PM

Yesterday was a shitty day. Two mornings ago, which would've been very early Saturday morning at 3 AM, I fell asleep. I had weird dreams and was wide awake an hour later. At 10:30 I began to get sleepy, but sure enough, the bitch next door began her slamming, ramming and banging. Sundays she's out a lot, but is this bitch ever gonna sit still on a Saturday? How can a person make so much fucking noise while they're cleaning? At 6:00 this morning I knocked really loud on the inside of my door. I'm sure that woke her up and she wondered whose door it was. Our doors are so close. I'm gonna knock even earlier this morning once an hour, and this bitch has to work tomorrow.

I finally fell asleep yesterday at 12:30 and then Andy fucking came in and shook me awake. I told him never to do that again unless I told him to. He may be coming down with another cold. I hope I don't. An hour after he woke me up I fell back asleep till 9:30. I was beat.

I spoke with Scott who I may see tonight, but it depends on when and how long I sleep. I hope he's got good news on a person taking over my lease. I also hope his meeting with the IRS Monday goes well and that I can type for him, move, then transfer to a better club.

If I can get up tonight no earlier than 3 AM, I may go during the day tomorrow to Sha Na Na's.

Early yesterday morning I took a chance at Kara being home and she was. She said her trip to Vegas sucked. She and her girlfriend's mother had it out and she says she’s running for her life. She even mentioned going back to Michigan to live. I told her it'll blow over. This must really be serious for a tough girl like her to be intimidated.

Her sister Stacey was there and told Kara about dancing at Sha Na Na's. She left, however, for the same reasons I'd like to transfer whether or not I’m moving. Bad publicity due to the raids, a lot of people resent Arabs and they also have way too many girls there. She’s now at the Ex-Caliber.

3/8/1993 Mon. 2:18 AM

Saturday morning I asked Kara to tell me if she felt I'm gonna move on March 15th or April 1st. She felt the 15th. I sure hope so. Kara's just as psychic as me and so is John. I always wanted to meet someone at my level to consult with from one psychic to another.

After Kara and I spoke, I called Tammy and she asked me to try to tell her if she'd be getting a job. I wasn't able to see what the job was, but I felt it was 40 minutes away and required traveling. That much was right. I told her I had a very good vibe for the job. She'd get a call about it Monday between 10 AM-noon and fix whatever may be wrong with her van. I also could see a guy in his 40s, average height and weight, dark hair, slight bald spot, dark eyes, dark-rimmed glasses, and a heavy-set black woman.

I thought I saw her arguing with a blond in a grocery store, but she said she’d had a friendly chat with this woman.

Then, I called Kara and we called her and I told Tammy that Kara's a lot like me and we consult one another. Kara and I agreed on everything, but one thing. Finally, Tammy told us it was a job doing security. Kara said she saw that as well as carrying a gun. Maybe the reason why I had a strong vibe was cuz she definitely has the looks and the image of a security guard. About as much as I look like a singer and a dancer.

I told her to give up Avon as I see it to be a pain in the ass that's not profitable. Tammy says she'll let me know.

Saturday night at around 8:00 I went to the Jacuzzi. Sue, Steve, Angel, Brian, their baby and some other guy were there. We had a nice chat and they were happy for me about the dancing, Capitol, and the new apartment

It's amazing how many people don't like it here for the same reasons I don't. They all complain about the walls being too thin.

If I could've slept till 3:00 tonight, I'd have gone to work today from noon - 6:30, but I awoke at 11:20 PM. I still don't know if I'll be returning to Sha Na Na's, typing for Scott, or transferring if he can drive me to and from work while I still live here. He called right before I woke up and said he'd call tomorrow. I hope things rule in his favor.

Last night John called from Circle K and Steve was there too. I spoke to both of them telling them everything's up in the air at the moment.

I'll be sending Fran the old little journals. I'll get 5 stamps from the office today.

I neglected the plant my parents sent me on my B-Day, so I trimmed all the dead leaves. I also took the flowered bow out of the plant and unraveled it. It's quite long and I'll use it for some kind of decoration after I move.

I got 3 NPN envelopes and I stuffed in pictures Andy didn't want.

Andy says Velma is still looking into a straightening iron for me, but I'm not paying for it. She is to pay for it, otherwise, forget it.

3 AM

At about 10:00 yesterday morning, I ran into Diane on my way back from my mailbox. She's the one I've seen a couple of times in the laundry room and she met Stephanie. You surely can tell she's gay, but she's not pitifully ugly. Not as ugly as the bitch next door. She came up to see my studio, then she invited me to her place for coffee. I was shocked at how clean, neat and well-decorated her apartment is. We sat on her porch and had a nice talk. She's 29, athletic like most of them are, and sober. Being able to read people well, I figured she was sober. She goes to school and works in the medical records dept. at Baptist hospital. She also has a car and goes to bed early and gets up early. She's single now but was once in a relationship for 4 years. I can see that, due to her plain looks and she does seem relationship-oriented. She also seems like a very good, stable, mature person. We exchanged numbers, then I went to the pool. There were several people there. Sharon, who I met in August was there with her little girl and boy. We chatted for a while and I was there for a little over an hour. I did get some color, but not enough to brag about. Tomorrow will be better for hanging out at the pool. No one will be there, but the people who mow the lawns will be out and about everywhere.

I'll write more after I go eat and boy am I ever hungry.

4 AM

I just had two pieces of fried chicken and soon I'll have another “cough of cuppee.”

What the hell was that that just sounded like something hit the roof?

I haven't heard at all from Leanne for over a week. She must be either extremely busy or has chickened out. And Andy thought I'd chicken out. Maybe she lost my number during her move. Who knows?

Julia called me a week ago. I'll call both of them just as soon as I know what's going on with me.

When the hell am I going to L.A.? John, Kara and I feel it's positive with a positive outcome. We all feel in a month I'll be there, but I want to go now!

About a week ago I had a nice chat with my dad about dancing, the apartment and Capitol.

It's 6:00 back east and Tammy and the rest of the family are getting up around this time. I sure hope in the next 4-6 hours she gets called about that job so I don't make an ass of myself. I've never really predicted events for someone 3,000 miles away, although it's not impossible.

Another sound from the roof. It sounded like it cracked. Let's hope not while I'm still here.

6:11 AM

Yes! I called Sprint about that $100 deposit and it was a mistake on their end. She said to disregard the letter. Damn right, I will.

Today I'll leave that note I said I'd leave on Ellie's door.

7 AM

I just completed another edit tape. It sure is less confusing and much easier dealing with all my tapes now that I finally got them all organized. I left Andy the latest edition of edits on his VM along with tons of other messages. Soon, I'll tape the 7 saved messages from my VM to be edited. One's of Scott and the rest are of Andy burping, coughing and singing.

We made a deal that while we weren't home or were asleep we'd pull our phones off the hook. That way we wouldn't have to wait for it to ring and ring and our messages would go off after only one ring. I also discovered it'll skip our messages if we hit the pound key as soon as it starts. There's only one unfortunate problem with taking my phone off the hook. When I do that my Caller ID doesn't work cuz it takes at least two rings, whether the ringer's on or off to activate the Caller ID box. No numbers will appear on the screen. I never know when or who may call with a name and number I wish to know about. Unless they have a blocking option. I hope Ellie calls and has no blocking. After putting the note on her door I must keep my phone on the hook and answer after two rings. If you're sitting right there looking at the box, you'll see the number appear. If they've got blocks it'll say, “private name - private number.” It says their name, the date, time of call, and the number. Sometimes it may not register, so it'll say error. It also has a button on the bottom for English or Spanish.

I think (but I'm not sure) I hear the guy below me. I've been very lucky with him so far. He's never home and is very quiet. Andi next door makes up for him. But I sure hope just the same he can't hear me at night. I accidentally dropped a plate last night so I hope he's a heavy sleeper or just doesn't care. Yes, I definitely hear him now in his cabinets. The floors seem just as thin as the walls. I wonder if he heard the edits while I was recording them on Andy's VM.

I wish I could get Andi's number, as well as Rosemarie's. But when I'm gone they'll get mail.

1 PM

I am shocked at how many people are at the pool today on a Monday. Quite a few. Stephanie, Tara and Linda were there along with others I've seen before but I can't remember their names.

It is hot today at 85º. This feels so weird for it being February 8th and knowing Tammy's cold back in CT.

I didn't get too much color. It's hard to keep up the patience to just lay there.

The mail's either late or I didn't get anything. Stephanie says there's a new mailman.

I swept my patio and ditched my raft. There's a hole in it somewhere and I'd like to get a bigger raft.

I left a message on Leanne and Julia's machine.

I sure hope Tammy got that security guard job she wanted and that Scott's meeting is going well. I spoke to him at 8:30 this morning. He said his meeting begins at 10:30 and probably won't end till 7:30. I told him to leave a message if I don't answer. Two people from his church are to be calling him tomorrow about taking over my lease.

Andy left a TV guide and some hair and skin care products outside my door. There were 4 tiny little bottles. There was shampoo, conditioner, bath or shower gel and lotion. That was nice.

Around 9:00 or so I left Ellie her note. At first, I thought she moved, as the table I flipped wasn't there. Nothing was outside the door, but then I saw her through the sides of the blinds in her kitchen. I still haven't gotten a call from her. I'm actually surprised she hasn't called with her being the desperate Fran/Nervous type. We'll see.

3 PM

I am out on my patio now. It is gorgeous. I am beginning to get very very sleepy. Soon I must hit the sack. I will have some coffee then I'll watch TV till I can no longer keep my eyes open. Writing is almost hypnotizing when you're tired. Your eyes stare blankly at the paper while the pen flows and flows away.

What a huge patio I'll have when I move. I'm gonna get a table so I can write a little easier. It's a little awkward and uncomfortable writing with the book on my lap. It causes me to write sloppier, too. Plus, I'm so beat. The sun sure drains you. I feel as if I did get some color, yet I have no new, real distinct tan lines. I feel and look solid and muscular, but I have no problem with that. Especially for a girl of 90-something pounds who's 4' 11".

I went to the office to get a stamp and Paula ended up chatting with me. She and Judy really are very nice. If Stacey were a staff member in some place like Valleyhead or Brattleboro, I'd pity those kids! Not that I don't anyway, and there are definitely enough Staceys working in these places who don't belong. Stacey would be a carbon copy of Donna A, her sister Margaret, and Barbara D.

I should go record my phone messages into my box now.

3/10/1993 Wed. 6:50 AM

Yesterday I awoke at 5:00 and I went into Sha Na Na's for the noon - 6:30 shift and made shitty money. I'm going in at noon today too, and Omar's going to change my schedule. I cannot work Sat. and Mon.

Scott has round two with the IRS this Thurs. He still doesn't know where he stands with them.

Still have no idea when my lease will be taken over, but I hope real soon.

For some unknown reason, I got a letter I'd sent to my parents returned to me. I called and left them a message to let me know if they know anything about it.

No calls from Ellie, Julia or Leanne.

11 AM

I just put in a personal call to Charles, my new day driver for 11:30. He drives the same cab Steve drives at night.

Andy's still asleep and God only knows how with the outside noise here and there. Must've smoked lots of pot.

Kara will be stopping over to pick up two blankets I don't want. I left them outside my door. Kara may be going home to Michigan for a while.

Scott called and he may stop in today. Scott's talking to people today about my apartment.

3/11/1993 Thurs. 7:30 PM

I'm sitting here by my building on the utility box hoping my cab gets here soon enough and doesn't forget or get lost. I called Brian and Angel and they said they could probably pick me up if I can't get a ride again from that new waitress and her mother as I did yesterday. I went over to Brian and Angel's apartment yesterday. If they're around whenever I need a ride while I still live here, they'll drive me.

I've been up since 4:30 and I'm somewhat tired. By the time my shift ends, I'll be beat. Then, if I must work the PM shift tomorrow night, I'll have to try to hold out at least until midnight.

Not only can I not wait to move, but I also can't wait to quit Sha Na Na's and transfer. I know it'll be deader than dead just like it was yesterday so I brought a notebook. I'll copy whatever I write into my journal cuz there's no way I'd bring it to work in case anything happened to it.

God, please let that cab be here on time! They do this shit to me every time I call for one.

I hope Scott does make it in today. I could use a friend coming in there and also one who'll never let me go home broke.

Unfortunately, I am kind of tired and that sucks. I'll have to get some coffee as soon as I get there.

Here comes sweet little old Stacey. She said hello in a friendly voice as she walked by with two potential residents. Residents who will never know just how thin the walls are unless they move in.

8 PM

I am at work now where there is only one fucking customer! God, I hope Scott comes in!

Luckily my cab driver got there on time, but not Charles. Some other guy came and he hated Vista Ventana and moved, too. I've spoken to numerous people who don't like VV for the same reasons I don't.

They're remodeling here. They connected the 3 stages. Good idea. There are more mirrors, too.

I'm now sitting at the back of the bar at a table, thanking God I brought a notebook. If I don't copy what I've written into my journal after work, then I will soon.

Omar was here, then he left, so who knows what the hell's going on with my schedule? I've already done my set, but after two more songs, it'll be my turn again on stage. There are only 5 girls here right now which doesn't matter since it'll be dead. There are Dee Dee, Venus, Debbie, Storm and I. There are way too many girls on the PM shift. That's for damn sure. There are 3 DJs. Andy, Tracy (who I call Billy cuz he looks like Billy Ray Cyrus) and Phil. Billy was here yesterday. Andy came in for his paycheck and to bum a smoke off of me, not that I mind. Phil's on today. He asked me what kind of music I like since he's never DJ'd with me working. I told him I hate heavy metal and to play dance music and country. I named singers I like. I was the first dancer up before our one customer came in. Phil tipped me a buck. Wow, I just noticed we have two more customers. Wowee, like it'll help much. How do these dancers pay their bills?

8:30 PM

I just did my second set and got $3 for it. Some long-time regular just brought in tons of chicken wings and grinders. That was great cuz I was starving. There are a few more customers in here now and I believe I have a table dance for the next song. There are only 4 customers in here now.

I still have some letter writing to do as well as editing, as always. After I copy this into my journal I'm sure the no-postage-necessary people will want to hear from me.

I just did my much-needed table dance and after the next song, my third set's up. For the last set, as I was getting on stage, Phil said, "Mystery, you've been here two months and I've been here two years and we haven't worked together yet." Afterward, he complimented me on my dancing. Yes, I can feel and see that difference in my body and my dancing. I'm much more limber.

I've only gotten two table dances so far and this really sucks what with how dead it is here. Next song is my fourth set. Each girl's doing two songs.

I hope Scott comes in. Omar's back, but he's busy with the guys who are remodeling.

8:45 PM

Right after I last wrote I went up on stage and Scott came in. If he didn't come in I'd have $4 after tip out, but he threw $70 on me! How cool, huh?

We had a great talk for an hour or so. He feels I probably will be out on the 15th. He also says he has a really strong feeling within two weeks I'll be going to L.A. He said if worse comes to worst as far as them taking their sweet time, he will personally take me out to their studios in May.

I just thank God for 95% happiness all the time now, rather than 95% misery.

Scott says my black cat's doing fine and I came up with the perfect name for him. Especially an all-black cat. My stage name… Mystery.

I hope Kara stopped by to pick up those blankets.

If all goes well, I'll only have one more weekend of listening to the bitch next door pummel the walls, floors and whatever the hell it is she does to create so much fucking banging.

I'll be calling Bob during the day Friday. Bob, the bartender, that is. I told him to put me back on 4 nights a week, but no Saturdays or Mondays.

I am just so happy now. I've been depressed or anxious only a few times since I've been here, but it passed quickly. It was mainly over money. Also wondering what the hell I was gonna do with my life and how the hell I'd ever get a connection with the singing. Thanks to Tonya who started all this. Without her, there'd be no dancing, no money, no peace of mind, no Scott, no Capitol, no new apartment. No, money's not everything, but it sure does help. If I didn't want to be a singer or do anything else, this is where I'd stay. Maybe not in this particular club, but I'd never stop dancing.

3/13/1993 Sat. 8 PM

I hope Scott calls soon to tell me if he's got someone taking over my apartment. He called two nights ago saying he spoke to several people and he's got positive news. I hope so. This morning he left a message saying he'd call right about now or tomorrow.

Christina, the housekeeper, left me a huge box with smaller boxes inside them. I've told several people to leave me boxes if they can.

Friday I was at the pool as well as today and the last 4-5 days. I've met some nice new people as well as chatted with people I've known. Stephanie and I had a great two-hour talk yesterday.

Leanne left a message saying she'd not only been busy with the move but had strep throat. Once again, I'm not bothering with her for the same old reason. She sounds fine now and if she really wanted to see me, she'd have done so by now. Again, you can maybe get lucky enough to have them call and hit it off over the phone, but good luck getting them to your door and following through from there. People, man, I'll tell ya. If she calls again I'm telling her what I just wrote and that I'm calling it quits.

I left Julia a message, too. No calls from her either.

Andy may call any minute, and due to the fact that everything happens at once, Scott will call at the same time.

My mom left a message right before I awoke at 10:00. A letter to them was returned to me and I left a message asking why. She said she had no idea why and that they were fine. Then, it was pretty funny as she didn't hang up the phone all the way. The bummer was, though, that she caught it soon enough afterward.

I got some of the color back that I lost, but I'm gonna be careful. I don't want sun poisoning or skin cancer.

Tonya was over two days ago for a reading. We had a chat for a half-hour or so.

Kara may be returning to Michigan for a while to get her diploma there, then return here to go to the police academy.

I was over at Diane's again today for coffee. We had a nice chat, too.

It's a miracle and a half, but Andi was out all day (next door). I hope she doesn't make up for today's peace and quiet by flipping out all day tomorrow. That's all I need unless she goes to church.

I called information last night after realizing I misspelled her name and that's why I couldn't get the number. I'm surprised she's even listed, but I left her some spitting, as well as Mary Had a Little Lamb with the phone keys, and also had Kara say, "Payback's a bitch."

I almost forgot, but when I called Julia today, I'd planned on playing Mary Had a Little Lamb after I hit the first 4 keys, but her messages played. How neat. Just like Fran. She had a message to call her from a Barb and one from US West to get caller ID.

Last night Andy and I tried calling Nervous and got no answer. We then called Fran and got his machine. I hit *37 and there was a message from a girl. It appears that once again he took in some creep who ripped him off, but that'll always be Fran for you. A major sucker. I recorded this girl's message and edited it onto his machine. He is not gonna be expecting that! Andy and I were cracking up. I did quite a bit of editing today and I promised to leave some on Mary's machine.

We went grocery shopping, but I'll write about that later.

A note from Andy...

Andy was here on December 4, 1992. In his living room with his stomach growling because he is starving. The phone just rang and Jodi wants me to cook pork chops. But they take 45 minutes to cook 'em my way. I am starving do you understand? Last night I drove up to Camelback Mountain to be part of the clouds. I stood for a long while in the drizzle, dreaming of my wanton luxury. Let's do some handy things together. Thank you, God, for sending my best companion to me!

10:35 PM

Any minute I'll be chatting with Andy, so I will write till then. That is unless he already fell asleep.

Andy gave me a good idea. He said it'd probably be better for Bill T to see what I look like. And by the way, it's Bill/Mark Productions. I mentioned this idea to Scott who I spoke to a little while ago. He agreed, so I'm gonna give him a picture of me to send to Bill.

Scott says he's gonna see these two elderly people in church tomorrow about my place. Let's hope all goes well, but I do finally have a very very good vibe.

He's also gonna buy my food stamps from me to send to his son in Michigan. He said this way he knows only food can be bought with it. At the grocery store, I bought (besides food) two new bottles of nail polish. My favorite colors which just dried out; fire engine red and burgundy. A package of 48 colorful envelopes. Wild Musk perfume which is mild and doesn't set off my allergies as much.

Mary also told me she went to a psychic fair and was told the same things I told her.

I still have no idea as to who left me those hair care products. Everyone I know would tell me they left it if they did, so I guess a stranger left it, but that doesn't seem right either. Does Andy know something about this? Does it have to do with Velma? He not only sides with those I'm upset with, but he also tries to fix shit between us. More and more he's bringing up shit about Velma. This really irks me, but I try to ignore it. The last person I want to associate with is a stingy selfish bitch.

I'll try calling him now. If his machine comes on, then he obviously fell asleep. Then, I'll go watch all the shows I've recorded and write letters.

3/14/1993 Sun. 1:45 PM

It is amazing as all hell, but this weekend Andi's been quiet. She's been in and out all weekend.

The guy below me is never home which is fine with me.

I hope to hear from Scott by 5:00 or so. I do have a good feeling, but I want to hear him tell me I'm out of here. The office has to approve them and I hope they don't take their sweet time and stall or get in the way of anything. Since I let Stacey have it last October she hasn't messed with me, and Paula and Judy are no problem.

I left some edits on Mary's machine as I said I would. I can't wait till Scott hears the edits. I've told him all about them and I edited him leaving a message on my VM.

The weather's unlike it has been in the last two weeks. It was in the 80s and very warm. Today's cloudy and slightly damp and chilly. It's 77º, but of course, here that feels like 67º. Tonight will be chilly and I may turn my heat on during the very early morning hours. It'll be the high 40s to low 50s tonight no doubt.

No one's at the pool today.

Andy fell asleep last night when I called, so we'll talk later. From 7:00-10:00, I won't be talking to anyone. There's a movie I want to see, as well as some other show on channel 3, which we never could figure out how to program into the VCR. It's nice having Caller ID so I can see who's calling unless they have blocks.

Just when it looks like the sun's gonna creep out, it gets cloudy. My patio is so beautiful, though. It's so green with it being surrounded by trees. I hope my new apartment will have the most private patio as well as the most private and quiet apartment I'm sitting at my table now with my sliding door open. I just realized how wide those doors are in my new apartment I could just yank this table out whenever I want to write outside. I do want to get another table, though.

Well, I've got the munchies again, so I shall go eat.

6:31 PM

Right now I'm getting pretty pissed. Scott hasn't called and I'm tired of playing this waiting game. If no one takes this apartment, I'm moving anyway. The bitch next door's back to doing her usual tap dance. Although it's mild, I'm gonna be knocking on the inside of my door the next time I'm up past midnight.

Watch Scott call during tonight's movie, since I can't record it.

Andy went out to dinner, but a few hours ago he heard my latest edition of edits. Mainly him singing the Funny Farm song and other stuff, Scott, and us coughing.

I did tons of letter-writing today and that's pretty much all I did. I ate a lot and watched the shows I taped last night.

Nervous and Fran are getting no more letters from me. They never write to me, I'm bored and sick of writing to them as its fun has worn off and that'll leave me more time to do other stuff. I'll only write to my parents, Lisa and Becky (who get one letter for both of them), Kim, Bob and Tammy. So, that totals 7 letters, but 5 people. I won't be writing as often as I have been.

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