chae

from my heart
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2019-09-10 04:22:27 (UTC)

hes in my head

12:22 am
i really like mitty. hes really cute. i really love his voice. i feel like i can just listen to him talk all day even if its pure nonsense. its crazy to say that i wouldnt mind talking to him for hours and listening to him talk than listen to music. i mean i fuckin love music but i really like him.

its weird because i have known him for almost an year now yet i feel like theres still so much to get to know about him? we didnt talk much honestly. maybe once every few months we would actually talk through dms. but then other times would be on the server.

but when i was having a really bad day during the month of august, we called and it was so much fun. after that we been talking more as well as playing games together. i feel like that day we called i instantly started to like him. i mean ive always liked him a little bit. i just never admitted to it because i thought it was pointless. and the fact that i used to like his friend so i felt like if i like him hes going to think im a hoe or something.

but after that call we played game pigeon on imessage and then he asked to call again. the second time we called we honestly didnt talk much and i accidentally fell asleep. after that we didnt really talk. he messaged me and i messaged him. i didnt expect us to keep talking to be honest. but he will message me every once in a while. and it makes me happy.

i feel like its weird because he can be kind of awkward and shy so sometimes we have awkward moments where we run out of things to talk about but its kind of getting to the point where i feel comfortable in the silence. i just like that hes there. i like how he listens to me and how he doesnt get mad at me when i do bad in games. i like how when i tell him something like about how i fell or something he asks me if it still hurts but his voice is so caring and kind. i like how hes there.

the things we talk about sometimes gets so dirty tho. but its so fun and funny. its easy to be honest with him and myself. i like the way he thinks. i want to be there for him. i feel like hes doesnt really have anyone and i am not trying to change him but id like for him to know that i really do care about him and want to be there for him. i want him not to feel alone and also just have someone he can talk to about whatever, whenever.

i can see how hes starting to talk more. like before he didnt really hit me up and when we called hed make a couple of jokes but recently he will tell stories about himself and just talk about himself a little bit more. i want to know a lot about him.

i want to know how he feels each day, his relationship with his family, things he likes to do, times when he was upset, times when he was happy, about his childhood, his favorite color, his current favorite songs and so much more.

i wanted to tell him that i liked him. i suck at holding my feelings back. but actually im kind of enjoying just keeping things slow and not rushing anything. it doesnt really bother me if he will leave me on read or just in general. cause i dont feel anxious. with other boys id always worry about what i had to say next and if i will be judged and they will no longer like me. but he just messages and nothings really that big of a deal.

when he was flirting w me, it was so cute. i still think about it and feel so happy. i asked him if he liked anyone and he said no. but then when i asked him why he doesnt like anyone he said “what if i do like someone?” and it was confusing. when we called i asked again. instead of telling me if he likes someone he asked me if i liked anyone. and i wanted to tell him that i liked him. i really wanted to tell him that night but the words wouldnt come out. i dont know if he expected it or not. but anyways he messaged again last night. i wanted to message him actually but i always never feel so sure if its worth putting the effort into a guy because it will make me sad. so when he messaged me, it made me happy. because that means he thought of me.

its going to be his birthday this thursday! i feel more excited for his own birthday than mine. i want to be the first to tell him happy birthday and that hes special. i want him to have a really nice birthday and feel loved.

i really really like mitty. hes so sweet. hes so cute. hes so nice. he doesnt play hard to get. hes so chill. hes a good friend.

i really like mitty.


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