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2019-09-07 22:59:00 (UTC)

some hollowed thoughts

"House Show" by Strange Ranger

September 7, 2019 Saturday 10:59 PM

Yo, I wanted to !die! today!!! I felt pretty terrible last night, too. Maybe I'm just tired. Had one of those, uh. "Solipsistic moods." Wish I wrote then, when I felt like I had a reason. Writing now, I'm too empty and exhausted. I had the thought that I wanted to graduate college, rent month-to-month, and buy a car; find an enclosed space and then just run it until I die. Then I felt sort of bad because I would be wasting all the money being put into my education, right? But also. I wanna die, lmao. So which is the better option?

Obviously staying alive. Living from moment to moment. If I feel bad, then wait until the next second, when I feel so good I wanna be sick. Get dizzy and then later it will all settle down and I'll wonder why I wasted so much time. I'm so tired. OK going to bed now, I think... hopefully I'll write soon. And things will make more sense.