Pleasantly Disturbed

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2019-09-04 19:12:04 (UTC)

Of Little Rays Of Sun and Sunlight

Well, today can't compare to the high I was on Monday night and Tuesday morning, but it was possibly better, overall, than yesterday. I just have seemed to have accepted everything. Except for the poor grammar in my last sentence... I seem to have accepted everything. There we go. Lol. I still miss B, but he's a thought/memory I can have at work to cheer me up and/or calm me down. As badly as I miss him, thinking of and remembering him makes me happy. There is still sadness, to be clear. So, besides talking to God in my mind, which I don't know if I even wrote about in here -- it's difficult to remember things lately, understandably so... ANYWAYS, in addition to this most important way of coping with my loneliness (even amongst people - hell, more so than when I'm actually alone!) and getting through my day, I additionally, have happy thoughts and memories of someone I really care for.


I discussed with my therapist yesterday in our first session, how I am so very comfortable at home because I feel like my husband is there more than anywhere else. Naturally. I told her about B (my crush - to clarify - I won't use real names in here!) and she said he was like a small ray of sunshine for me at work. She said, "Was," but you know what? He can still be that for me now. ☺

Then, she said that my comfort at home with feeling my husband's presence, was like a cat sprawled out in the sunshine. B - a little ray of sun, My husband - the full experience of sun, sunlight and joy. Nonetheless, they are both memories to me now. 😞 It's okay. I'll take this time of loneliness and fully learn from it - who I am and what I want. I do know what I want, though, as far as a romantic relationship -- someone just like my husband. I dont want to stray from that type of person/personality. I was with him 12 years, afterall, and i wasnt going to leave him.

I love you, My Love, forever. ❤❤❤

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