LadyRed

Diary of a Misfit
2019-08-31 10:45:49 (UTC)

Let's talk about gas, baby!

Dearest Diary,

Last night I could not sleep, so I watched two movies. An amazing supernatural thriller, 5 stars in my books, I was blown away, what a refreshingly new story line...... and then,The Change Up, a body swapping movie like Freaky Friday but with adult content. Naked people, boobies, swear words, etc....
There was one scene from that movie in particular that got me thinking..... The very sexy wife walks naked through the bedroom while the dude in her husband's body watches from the bed as she goes towards the bathroom, thinking about fun funky monkey time they are gonna have.....but then he gets horribly turned off and insulting because she went to the bathroom to let off a ripper (fart) and do a number two before getting into bed. Just how many superficial dudes are out there - FYI, you guys can gas out a small country, just for fun... I have smelt it, heard it and seen in with my own eye, BROS!

I can so relate to that scene - in the essence that I have never had the freaking confidence to fart or go to the loo near a partner, ever in all my life (in other words, all of my boyfriends, in the history of my life) because of that perceived reaction- never fucking ever. But for fuck's sake, it is a natural bodily function for both sexes and every living species on the planet Earth has gas issues! It is Science, and biology, mofo's!

I flashed back to when I was with my son's father for four years. Pre-baby making and post baby spawning activities, I never farted near him ever and I would wait for him to go out, literally out of the house and property, before I would even consider going to the toilet.... what in the actually freaking jumping jelly beans is up with that? I got so constipated and did more damage to myself internally in the process because I was under the impression that I would not be desirable to him (and every other previous boyfriend) if I just let out a little fart..... I developed a fear of public toilets too, I could never use them - especially when I was pregnant, I would rather be seen as the mad running heifer in a marathon rush to get home to pee rather then have to face the anguish of public embarrassment.

There are pros and cons to being single... one of the pros I am enjoying right now is that I can "let off a little steam" in front of my son without being embarrassed (but I am apologetic because life is all about manners, people! Manners maketh the man or the woman, remember that) or I can go to the loo and not be so stressed out of my mind about how long I take to do my business and about what other people's thoughts or perceptions are of me because that causes my body shuts down.

I think what I am trying to say is that...... I am finally comfortable in my own skin, which includes all the weird bodily functions which Mother Nature and God included as a sadistic joke on all women ....but men need to lighten up a bit and accept that we are human too - and we can be sexy farters, FFS!!!

Sincerely,
A misfit who farts on occasion - especially after rich or spicy food! NOT MY FAULT PEOPLE, IT IS YOUR COOKING!!




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