Alice

On the Rise
2019-08-29 06:35:00 (UTC)

I Need More Time

This may be lame but I have recently fell in love. It is someone new and someone different. I know I have talked about love on here in the past and the way I felt then was wonderful. It is similar to that feeling that I have right now. He is everything I have ever wanted. Before I thought it was my ex that I was waiting for but later on I realized that he wasn't the one. Don't get me wrong, being in love with him was amazing. Things change and people change and that's okay.
I remember a few months ago I was very depressed about the break up. As a person should be.
I thought that was it for me. Like love was over for me. I truly did love my ex. He was faithful and loyal to me. He was funny and very intelligent. He knows big words and writes. He is very creative and philosophical. At times he would be romantic by telling me a poem he wrote for me.
He encouraged me to draw and paint or play my instruments. When my brother passed away, he stayed by my side when I was deep in depression. He helped come alive again.
Fuck.

I think you can tell that I may still be in love with him.
Is it possible to be in love with two people?
Or am I just not in love with my current boyfriend like I think I am?


I don't know. This has happened in the past but not like this. My ex didn't cheat. He just moved away. I feel like if he still lived here, it would have been harder for me to move on.
Some may say that things happen for a reason. I think I am starting to believe that things happen so we can learn something.

I mean, that's what life is all about right?
Learning. Realizing your mistakes and making sure not make them again.
I want to do things different in my new relationship.
No more having doubts or feeling like he is going to do something behind my back.
No more going through his phone or questioning everything he is doing.
Giving him his personal space. Because sometimes I need it as well.
I am so scared Diary. I am scared I am going to screw this up again.
I say again because I feel like the break up with my ex was my fault. I know he probably blames himself.
I really wish he wouldn't. I would start the fights a lot. I always had doubts about his love for me.
I have to realize that my boyfriend is nothing like that. He wouldn't lie to me and if he does, I am sure it's for
good reasons.

Maybe I still need more closure with my ex. Who knows . But all I know is how I feel about my boyfriend.
And it's that I love him. Very very much.
I love him so much that it would kill me to lose him.
I want to be better for him.
Not necessarily change who I am but I want to change how I react to things.
And not walk away or not talk about things when I am upset.





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