Christopher Mel

The Mirror
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2019-08-28 02:43:43 (UTC)

Shaken Bottle (Part 3)

((Had to split 1 entry into 3 parts because of a text limit. Or should I just conveniently package my diary thoughts into a single page? What is this? Once again, continuing exactly where I left off from part 2 of this bullshit))
I’d imagine some are salty at this point. So? Oh well, we can’t all be comfortable all the time. Also, don’t bother throwing your problems at me now when every single time I tried to engage you like a human being throughout the years you made it abundantly clear time and time again that you didn’t want me in your life or anywhere near you. So don’t tell me about your life problems now because it might suit you for the sake of argument. I don't owe you the convenience of being your psychological cushion, so let that absorb for a while, entitled folk. Oh well I'm done. I probably won't acknowledge female comments, nor will I acknowledge any bullshit excuses of victim-hood for why you were shitty human beings for the last 20 years, with the usual, predictable diatribe and theatrics about how offended they are and emotion-based tirades about whatever. Probably more ad hominems and assaults on my character out of anger(Oh wait! You've been doing that for years so what else is new?) However I won't impose on anyone's freedom to post like you privileged entitles do whenever you want to get your way or have to come to terms with someone who doesn't agree with your particular view. Better to adopt that pack mentality than deal with the horrors of thinking for yourself or attempting to understand another person who's views or physical skin appearance differ from your own, right? I know, tough when human nature kicks in, right? If you're offended I won't care. Life could be worse. What’re you going to do about it? Call the cops on me? Take my freedoms away? Get me banned? Fired? Get rid of my freedom of speech? Because I’m not kissing your ass the way you want or how society dictates that I should? Because you females are the most privileged class and anything that’s said against you is seen as a crime to humanity? You literally get your way in every other aspect of life, enjoying your beautiful husbands, wives, kids, families, homes, security. No, not good enough for you, as you’re still miserable. What’s ruining your happiness is little ol’ me voicing my observations on some random platform. THAT’S your major concern. I probably won’t have half the things you already have, but by all means, keep taking life for granted. Just so you know, I enjoy the things I do, and being me, and I will always go against the grain, because that’s in my nature. I like to observe and point things out, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Don’t preach about acceptance and then backpedal when someone says something that makes you uncomfortable. Grow the fuck up. I know, it’s challenging, especially when someone has their own identity and way of thinking, and I realize it’s in a woman’s nature to scoff at difference. Oh well. It’s something we all have to deal with.

And obviously this doesn’t apply to all women. And I never once said ‘all’ anyway. It goes without saying that there’s an exception to every rule and for the most part there are plenty of decent women whom don’t fit these disgusting categories. And I’m not just talking about friends and family - whom I would sacrifice myself for - but also complete strangers, women and men who treated me as an actual, living, thinking person and not a CARICATURE of their imagination, or a ‘pet’, or a ‘thing’, or a ‘burden’, or a ‘criminal’, or a ‘validation machine’, or an ‘annoyance’. People who treated me with respect or just as an ordinary everyday individual and not as a ‘token’ black, and did it without feigning or ‘trying real hard’ to do so. In other words: just being their natural selves. ‘To treat and be treated as you would want others to treat yourself’ is not such a difficult concept and rest assured that it has always been acknowledged. To those who failed to be actual human beings. It’s not personal. I really don’t hate ya. I don’t care enough to. We’re just not meant to matter in each other’s lives, so it would be in our best of interests to continue living our separate lives. No harm, no foul. Do you. Away from me. And I’ll do the same. Life’s too short and those who can’t even handle the basics of acknowledging others as human beings will be rightfully ignored as your existence is meaningless to me. Keep that in mind, the next time we cross paths in a hallway and you cringingly try to hide your disappointment and disinterest (because you hid it so well, obviously). Trust me, the feeling’s mutual. I don’t want to talk to you. Nor do I want to pretend to be nice or engage with someone who has to ‘pretend’ to tolerate me. If I smile and go along with it, to me, would be an insult to myself. It would be giving permission; consent, to your second class treatment. And we’re not friends so we don’t owe each other anything anyway. Go back to your popular, socially acceptable group, and be sure to hold them to a higher standard of tolerance, lower standard of scrutiny, and generally pretend to be an affable and complex person. I really don’t want to talk to you, because you’re really not that interesting or possess anything of substance that isn’t superficial to me, so we don’t have to pretend to be nice to each other. Be you, and I’ll be me. And I’ll continue to ignore you like I’ve been doing just like with all of the other unnecessary things in my life. In any case, there seems to be one thing that men and women share, and that is the value of resources and pretty things. The more you have the more you’re looked up to and idolized. And it’s the ones in the spotlight that set the standards for what would or should be. With all our talk about acceptance we give when we fail to meet the social or economic status quo which we are quick to hold others to, we play the victim and attempt to appeal to the judging party’s humanity, even though there is none shown from us when we are in the higher position of status. Everyone’s disgusted with everyone else. Everyone’s judgmental and quick to anger over the slightest thing. Everyone puts themselves first, but gets mad when others do it, and with each and every interaction nothing is learned. No one says “Oh, so that’s what it’s like. Kind of annoying when someone else does it.” Just keep repeating the same bullshit like a scripted npc because we can’t get over ourselves. Being hypocritical, entitled walking bags of flesh with our flaws and our ways. Perhaps THIS is what it means to be ‘human’. Everything that we are. Because we are everything and yet nothing at the same time. I don’t know. Could go on forever about the human condition, but without a clear answer it’s meaningless to analyze any further and becomes boring to discuss. The topic of humanity is boring in general. We’re really not difficult to understand, nor are we really that interesting. Whatever. I’m not considered beautiful or socially acceptable, nor do I contain many resources of value so my opinion doesn’t matter(it wouldn’t matter if I was of higher status, but given human nature, anything I say, then, would be taken like the word of a god’s)...well, maybe it’ll matter enough to get someone triggered so they can project the same bullshit I listed on here earlier. And that’s what I mean; sticking to the script. People will react the same way, think the same way, and do the most obvious boring. Never any instinct to ‘spark’ any original thought or challenge how things are, even if its by our own nature. Just slaves to a script or genetic program. We’re not complicated or unique, going back to what I said earlier. So what’s so wrong about going along with your genetic programming? Well...nothing exactly, other than the fact that SOME will always be able to adhere to it and benefit while others will adhere and NOT benefit. Also with human nature, lest we forget, that the needs and wants of some may bring blatant harm to the existence of others. Some will always be without. There will always be ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’ And these are the lucky ones. Some get NOTHING from life at all, even on the most basic level, despite anything they have or haven’t done. Oh well, what can you do?

Hmm…perhaps there is something to this journal crap. I feel better venting that. I’ve wanted to say this for over 20 years. Feels good, and it got me into the habit of typing more, for more novel related projects. I probably won’t post here often as I really don’t care enough to list every stupid detail or event of my life. Welp, back to not existing. Essentially, it’s like I’ve never said anything at all. Let the ‘life script’ continue. Everyone back to their regularly scheduled/scripted bullshit.

(( Phew, 3 entries to make 1 post. Worst part is I could've kept going. Like I said this was 20 years of bullshit I was saving up so too bad deal with it. Although I can't but help feel a bit dissatisfied that I could just make one huge post. Of all things what an obnoxious limitation to have, given this type of setting. It's a journal entry wtf. How much data does TEXT consume. Never mind, it's fine. Guess even my thoughts are supposed to be constricted and stay uniform to something else. Figures. What else is new in life? What a joke.))

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