Christopher Mel

The Mirror
Ad 2:
2019-08-27 15:36:42 (UTC)

Like opening a shaken bottle of soda

Never thought I would find myself in this sort of place. Not my thing. Writing journals had always seemed like a pain in the ass concept to me. One more thing that I don't really care about but have to force myself to commit to even though it's something that's not really necessary to have, but whatever. Perhaps I'll sit a spell and finally give my side of the story that may be considered life. Where should I start? Perhaps I should go with what's really on my mind; what I really wanted to say for twenty fucking years. This may take a while but after biting my tongue for 20 years on the issue of ‘females’ I think I’m allowed to vent at least once. And nothing I’m about to say is anything that anyone wants to hear, so they may be a lot of salt. Oh well. That’ll be a ‘you’ problem, though. All the other times you got your way in life should more than make up a few minutes of damaged ego, though I somehow doubt it still, with the way people are. Whatever. Getting straight to it, here goes:

Women. I'll just ask one question: What the fuck have I ever done to you? Hmm? Yeah, scratch your head and think about it. The ones that know exactly what I'm referring to. White women; is it some sort personal gripe, social ineptitude, inability to relate because of our differences in skin color, or something else that causes you to be indifferent, condescending and rude? Could it be that in your own privilege of getting your way all the time and having society kiss your ass that you've become so complacent and bored because you act like it's the BIGGEST inconvenience in your perfect little lives the second I step in the room like you've got to pull everything together JUST to exist in the same fucking space as someone else? Is your life so devoid of actual, REAL problems that my humble existence is such a concern for you? Between the blatant purse-clutching in fear, disdainful looks, dismissive attitude, entitlement, narcissism and general childish antics, should I keep my mouth shut, smile and play dumb while you continue to treat me like a sub-human piece of shit? To help you maintain your self-inflated sense of self worth? To make YOU feel comfortable? You think life should cater and revolve around your stupid and fluctuating moods? That ain't how the world works.
Black women; Is it my fault your relationship failed? You think giving dirty looks of disappointment and general projected bitterness is going to make up for all your shortcomings with the opposite sex or life in general? It's interesting how they like to place the blame on all men and put them all in the dog house. Last time I checked, outcasts like us, who wanted to get to know you better wouldn't get the time of day. We didn't exhibit all those alpha-male bravado stereotypes. We got jobs and didn't smoke weed all day and get covered in tattoos(got no problem with tattoos, but there was a noticeable pattern with guys with tats and being in relationships at least) We actually stayed in school and studied, did nerdy shit, stayed out of trouble, and did what we were supposed to(ugh, I hate the idea now of conforming to social norms, but this was back then), but that wasn't good enough. You wanted the guys who were 'fun but trouble', so you got what you got (surprise-surprise). Now all of us are pieces of shit? “All you guys do this and that.” Be quiet. You don't know shit about us and you never will because you weren't interested. We weren't 'good enough' for the fun times so don't go blaming us for the bad. You made your dirty bed now sleep in it. We're sick of hearing the victim-routine. Your problems are your own, not mine, so don't project your filthy bitter, angry attitude to me like I owe you something. I wasn't raised to be anyone's emotional toilet or punching bag, and I won't fucking allow it. Let that sink into your female skulls and deal with it.
Also, for those minorities who think they're 'above' other minorities because they have friends of social higher status(white, for example), do you know how cringy this comes across? Do you care? Probably not. It was intentional after all. You know, the kind that's very friendly and talkative and smiles when those of ‘preferred skin’ are around then turn into dismissive indignant victims whenever they see one of their own enter the room. Do you treat your own parents with such disgust? You do realize that depending on the neighborhood you go to, you'll be profiled just like the rest of us, right? What, do you think you'd be immune to judgment by simply judging others first? That you would be less 'insert non-white race' because you acted like a pretentious snob? Is THAT your solution to life? Are you just projecting your own racial inferiority complex? Because that seems like a YOU problem. You'd be willing to forsake your own kind just for the sake of social acceptance? How disgusting. But it's fine for you as long as you get your white approval, right? This ain't highschool. Grow up. That's the one thing that annoys me about humans. Pride and arrogance; it's the one attribute found among humans that isn't detrimental to survival or propagation of the species. It's literally useless. What the fuck do I need pride for? I can't sell it, or fashion it into a sandwich. It doesn’t pay the bills. Why do you have it? We didn't ask to be born. We were put here against our will, living, breathing, shitting, walking bags of flesh and blood trying to figure out our place in the world, doing what he have to do to get by...so why do people feel the need to be superior to others? Stop being a coward, and come back to this mudball of a planet with the rest of us, and have the balls to accept the fact that you, nor I, nor anyone else is or will ever be 'special', and that our existence for everyone and everything as a whole is meaningless. We are mere specs of dust in the cosmic spectrum. Deal with it. Coward.

Anyway...

I don't know. It's just that I've never had any pleasant experiences with females. In fact, I don't have any good memories involving them AT ALL, with the ONLY exception being that of my own beloved family members. For as long as I could remember, I was always attacked for being me. But you know, it was the basic elementary, junior high to high school stuff. Everyone's been there. Typical social shit. Oddly enough, I never had male bullies in school- they were always female. I remember practicing for some stupid play in elementary school. We had to hold hands and do some dance number. I got partnered up with some girl who was one of the 'sort of' popular girls at the time(popular being used in the lowest standard possible here. I mean the kind that seemed popular with the guys but ended up being pregnant ghetto hood rats later on in life). She HATED the fact that she had to dance with me, especially since we had to hold hands, so she would get close to me and say "you're so ugly" and then she would slap my hands as we were doing rehearsal. And then she would say "this is for having to touch me" *slap* "This is for having to touch me" *slap* and she kept doing it, quickly and stealthily, so the others wouldn't notice. And she had these really long nails which she would dig into my skin as hard as possible because she was so mad she had to 'touch' me. Eventually she got tired and just made me hold her fingertips, as I was no longer 'allowed' to touch her full hands. Weird times indeed.
Similar isolated incidents of this would continue on throughout the years, one involving a disgusting female spitting, and another involved me being groped painfully and inappropriately. I remember some kid was like "oh you're so lucky!" Gross! Are you kidding me? When you're a kid, that shit's terrifying. The girl in question seemed kinda mean, and would only do that to me when no one was around, grabbing my intimates PAINFULLY and threatening me by saying that if I said anything to anyone that she should would report me claiming I tried to molest or rape her. Now even back then I knew society would take her word over mine and I would be screwed either way, so I kept quiet and took the mistreatment in fear of 'getting in trouble'(another side effect of the broken school system's 'conditioning' that had to be broken after I finished) One more thing females can get away with that guys can't. "How can someone so pretty and weak be so full of malcontent? She MUST be innocent! Because she looks like it!" Sure, that's how life works...Tell me, what does a criminal look like? What are they supposed to look like? A drug addict? Rapist? Pedophile? Sexual deviant? Abuser? Animal abuser? What are they supposed to look like? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Meanwhile, a young black male comes in: "He looks suspicious, obviously guilty of something. Call the police. What? Doesn't matter if he's standing there minding his own business and living his life, call the police! I have an overactive victim complex and now HE'S gonna pay for it! How dare you ruin my fragile bubble of comfortability! I'm going to use all my female privilege to get his freedoms taken away on a whim!" Haha, just like your ancestors. Hah, just kidding. Went too far. (No I'm not...) When one of our kind does fuck up it's straight to the jailhouse. Throw away the key. That's fine, but when a female gets canned for murder we have to hear a 20/20 special about it. How come we don't get 'psychological profiles'? I guess our brains aren't complex enough for that. We only know one emotion: RAGE. Right? You know so much more about us than we know about ourselves, apparently. We have to analyze every single detail of the female's mind to figure out why she did something not EXPECTED of societal norms. Nope, not for us. We're also seen as having a 'hive mind', devoid of any individuality whatsoever. Criminality is in our DNA, apparently, so no point in further discussion. Case closed. Rinse. Repeat.
When I was younger I never even saw race. I suppose one would come to know the differences eventually. It all comes with growing up and learning more about life, ourselves, and the way things are. Big, small, black, hispanic, asian, white. When you're kids, you run around, asking other kids to come over and play. Shared video game cartridges. (Until someone LOST one of your damn games!) Genuinely enjoyed people's company. Then one day I overhear some kids making fun of some lady's giant rat of a dog. Nah, it was a cute doggy, and you know stupid kids are gonna make fun of stupid things. So the lady walking the dog overhears their laughter, realizes what's up, and turns with a big smile and shouts: "Hey, little black boy!" Now the guys didn't seem perturbed as they continued chuckling so the white woman, being the mature adult she was going back and forth with children, continues shouting: "Hey! Little black boy! Little black boy!" And she said this over and over again with a big smile on her face. There was no one else 'like her' around so she was having a field day. And, the way she said it, like she was going to follow up with a punchline, but that was it...get it? That WAS the punchline. That was the insult. You just say "hey black boy" repeatedly and bam, you drop the mic and walk away. No need to come up with a derogatory term like bitch or asshole, one’s black existence is enough to suffice as an insult. So those many years ago, I learned from a young age what you women really thought about us, and how you are. No, this didn't happen in the movies, or in the 50's in the south. It happened in NYC of all places in the 2000's...for fuck sake. It happened right by our school...
And speaking of which, the teachers were no different. But, having to work on a busted and out-dated school system what would you expect? Teachers didn't give a shit. Oh, and by the way, we know what you say about us. "You're teaching THERE?" "Isn't that a really bad school?" "Hope you don't get shot by gangs" This is coming from the ADULTS who were supposed to teach our 'children of the future'. Fuck you. Now, you have these teachers giving off-handed comments to their students of non-color about 'gangster activity' in certain neighborhoods. What is this, the narration for national geographic? So, you've assumed and felt the need to dictate the culture of people you never met, in a neighborhood you've had the PRIVILEGE of never having to live in, with such confidence. Please, tell the people who've actually lived these lives how they are, since you know more about them than they do about themselves, apparently. So fast forward when your students go out in the real world and they actually encounter or have to work with a brown person they welcome them with arms shut, fear and indifference as a symptom of their negatively charged preconceived notions and blissful ignorance fed to them from their peers, parents or teachers. "I don't know how to interact with you, so I'm just going to act weird and make it awkward for everyone involved." Who said you had to try anything? Just act like a normal fucking person, maybe? Not make a big deal out of our existence, perhaps? You've possess all that superior IQ, so try using it. Oh yeah, PSA incoming: **We're not all one hive mind** We are actual individuals. I feel slightly annoyed having to type that, but people have proven time and time again that they're morons and as such you have to take things that should be blatantly obvious and point them out like a hammer entering a skull for people to absorb it. Whether or not they do is up to them. That's a YOU problem if you can’t handle it. It's the reality we have to deal with, so you should do the same. Ugh, how did I end up talking about schools? How did I end up talking about racial issues? (Actually, I was trying to gear toward the nuances of interactions among varying ‘social statuses’, and how your social status affects the level of humanity or respect you’re treated with; but it just so happens in this case- and like many others- that social status and race go hand in hand) This was supposed to be about unfond memories of females. Looks like they're one in the same; equally unpleasant. Reminds me of the time this FEMALE english teacher wrote me up and recommended I get a psychiatric evaluation because of the content of an essay I submitted for an assignment regarding the differences between males and females through observed social interactions between them. I guess you could say it contained content that would a precursor to what would be considered 'mgtow' material, but this was like 20 years ago I was sixteen then. Even then, I saw the patterns there. All I did was simply bring it up. Nope, once again I was punished for thinking for myself; for writing about a topic that wasn't usually discussed at that time...under such circumstances. And I would be the first to admit I was wrong if I had written something not sticking to instructions but my essay topic was written and fell well within the guidelines of what we were instructed to write. However the topic didn't fall in line with the teacher...personally. Probably because it didn't paint my peers(in particular; females) in the greatest light(I'm sure that's what she really had a problem with). She gave me a letter to leave the class and told me "it was very disturbing". She didn't even try to understand or pull me aside and ask any kind of follow-up. She was very dismissive about it. Typical female behavior. And this was supposed to be our English teacher. It was very unprofessional what she did. The work was done, and I never even got a grade on it, which, among all things actually pissed me off more. It was one of the few times in high school I remember we actually got to think for ourselves(you know, when the school wasn't training you to memorize from a book or tell you how to think and what pace you had to learn; training you to be indistinct cogs in a future factory wheel). My parents were notified BY ME and when came the time for parent/teacher conference I believe my sister let that woman have it. It's unprofessional to put your personal gripes before your job. The essay wasn't inappropriate assignment wise, but she felt it was inappropriate to her. That's not your fucking job to make that determination. You withheld a grade because of personal preference. I was transferred to another English class with a teacher who was better at doing her job. Problem solved. We live in such a gynocentric society, because women can't handle rejection or invalidation, and so the slightest criticism, even if it's just merely making a vocal or advertised observation turns you into a social outcast. Again, it seems like a YOU problem that your fragile ego can't handle a little bit of truth, or at the very least, obvious, physically prominent observation(which some of you women do ALL the time without even realizing it but only becomes a problem conveniently whenever it’s done by males) so you try to ruin my life in any way, shape or form as punishment for not lauding you as the PINNACLE of perfection, complexity, and beauty. What narcissism and entitlement. Aaaaaand that leads me to the next aspect of females I truly dislike:

You walk around with a generally miserable disposition, rude, act like the world owes you something. Meanwhile, you have a great, supportive husband, a family, cute kids, car, house, healthy, well-to-do, etc. However that's not good enough. You come in with a shitty attitude every single friggen day like life has to revolve around it, and for the younger ones they're always inflating their sense of self-worth by projecting overblown theatrics to irrelevant and trivial things, people, or situations, either because they lack the emotional or psychological facilities to deal with basic situations or too insecure, narcissistic, or vindictive to care. It's bad enough you women get your assed kissed, are defended and handed pardons by society on a daily basis, especially if you're pretty, so you've gotten your head all big and filled with esteem since guys probably shower you with praise everywhere you go. Everyone wants to talk to you. Why, do you suddenly become pissed and show such blatantly outward looks of disdain the instant I show up in the room? Is it because I do the opposite? Because I don't pay attention to females, or gawk at them obsessively, letting myself be controlled and dominated by primal instinct? You already have every other guy kissing your ass but because I'm the only one in the room NOT validating your existence you get mad? THAT'S what bothers you? You entitled, narcissistic piece of shit. You can have your way in literally EVERY other aspect of life. Don't force your entitlement on me, give me shitty looks, or treat me like garbage because you have some hang ups about the sudden lack of appraisal for your life. People have had worse problems in life. How about growing up finally and dealing with it, maybe? Maybe try to enjoy life and not take it for granted all the time? (And obviously if I have time to say that to someone else I can follow my own advice, but as I’m already in the midst of writing this journal...may as well finish my thoughts)Maybe go out in the world and meet different kinds of people, face some form of adversity other than not getting the coffee you want, or going through a bad break up with a guy who wasn’t right or didn’t give a shit about you even when it was obvious to everyone else, ANYTHING to make your life reflect like it had any sort of real value so you can actually appreciate life and it’s differences instead of acting like it’s the end of the world the instant-let’s say for example- you come across someone like me. It’s impossible not to notice, especially when you’ve gone through such physical and mental effort(or lack thereof) to show such disdain or indifference the very second I come into view. Because having to co-exist with someone you don’t like is so mentally taxing you must through the motions of a helpless victim and include all the theatrics of a scorned, pouting child when I’m near, as a show of just how incapable you are at handling the slightest bit of adversity: and therein lies a problem within itself if you consider having to share the same space as me SUCH a taxing burden. It goes to show you’ve never had any real problems in your life if little ol’ me is such a concern. And for what? You walk around with that look of disdain and self-righteous indignation like some great injustice was done onto you as I approach. I didn’t do shit to you. But keep actin’ like a weirdo or frightened animal and glide away as if I’ve done something to you. Seems like a YOU problem though, because I haven’t done shit to you. So maybe get over yourself and your victim complex? Instead of studying what I’m doing like you’re observing some zoo animal and making obvious projected theatrics to show your indifference towards me. Yeah, you’ll spend more time and effort to do THAT and not once spend an ounce of physical or mental effort to actually be affable or anything remotely resembling a decent human being. Or just being ‘normal’ like ya do around everyone else instead of acting like a socially autistic spaz with a chip on your shoulders every time I enter the room. Work out your own mental problems on your own time. I’m not kissing your ass or catering to your fickleness and indifference nor do I owe you any explanation for my existence or nor should I have to feel bad simply for existing like I’ve committed some great injustice by simply having to coexist in the same plain of reality as you for more than two seconds. Not once would it ever cross your tiny mind to treat me like an actual human being. Not once. Not a single time. But you’ll make the effort to be a passive-aggressive asshole, though. Yeah. Just goes to show where you are mentally and why I don’t bother with people like you in the first place. Go ahead, play the victim about that, just like you do for everything else. But hey, if something doesn’t work the first time just keep repeating the same fruitless strategy, right? Act like you’ve proven a point every single time even though you never had a point to begin with? Be a passive-aggressive asshole specifically to me and no one else, then expect me to smile, act nice and play dumb to make you comfortable or act like I owe you an apology for existing when nothing was ever done to you. Fucking weirdo. Get over yourself with that victim routine. Why should I endure an unprovoked level of scrutiny that you place at a higher standard for me and not others? Piss off, yeah? If anything the only thing you’re a victim of is your own immaturity or inability to deal with others on a higher level. Again, that’s a you problem. Not mine. We don’t owe each other anything anyway, so whatever. Just keep being your miserable weird self and I’ll just keep being me. Just be yourself far fucking away from me. I’m done dealing with overgrown women-children. Grow the fuck up. Seems I’m only guilty of being myself and not validating your shitty behavior. I’m far from perfect but I don’t have to be, since there’s always some ‘rebel without a cause’ chick around the corner with a shitty disposition. That’s one of the reasons why you can’t stand me, because I don’t kiss your ass and put up with your indifference and superficial judgment like everyone else does, and that bugs you because you know pretending to be a decent human being won’t work on me like it will with others when I see you for what you are. So you can walk around and play the victim with all this anger and self-righteous indignation like I did something to you. Nothing will be accomplished either way. Keep in mind, it’s not like you ever made the effort to be a decent human being around me or even acknowledge me as a fucking person, but you walk around all pissed like I did or owe you something? Like the world owes you something? That’s not how life works. I don’t owe you shit. Grow up. To expect respect on a human level while delivering not so much as a sliver on your part speaks volumes about your character, as well as revealing your level of entitlement and/or narcissism. If anything it shows how well you do in handling social situations, which is, unimpressive, to say the least. And to be honest, I doubt some of you women have the mental capabilities to even acknowledge-let-alone deal with the most basic aspects of social interactions and problem solving. Get emotional, run away, or act like a pouting child- in which the later case you will be treated as such. Now you could be going through something, fear, anger, narcissism or just plain vindictiveness; it matters not. If you don’t like me that’s a YOU problem. Again, I never did shit to you, so take that over-active victim-complex and over inflated sense of entitlement elsewhere. It’s not my job to figure you out or deal with you. You need to figure out how to solve your own problems on your own time, at your own pace. Do you. Just let it be known that in the meantime I don’t want to fucking talk to you. Human beings can interact with other human beings but if that basic, simple aspect is missing from one side then what is the other left to work with? If I left you alone it was for a reason. I will never stop being me because YOU have a problem with my existence. That’s a you problem.

I had to edit my original post...so many more things I wanted to say; about women in particular. I was going to go into detail about how you’re the most privileged class, having the resources, emotional support and understanding whenever you need it, being able to get your way and have people take you and your feelings seriously just because you demanded it. I wanted to talk about how your genuine hypocrisy phoniness, entitlement, and covert - but often more times than not- blatant narcissism and racism. You’ll sit there and complain about not being treated like everyone else or treated a certain way because you’re a woman, but then walk away uncomfortably, clutch your handbags in fear of theft -or my favorite, when you see us approaching our car which may be in the vicinity to yours and you suddenly decide to light a firecracker up your ass, turn on the engine and drive away as quickly as possible the minute our black ass comes into view of the parking lot. So, you want to be treated like a strong independent woman, a human being who’s caring and respectful, but show nothing of the sort; except for your own kind, at least. Either due to an over-active victim complex or some sort of mental crutch can’t get past seeing us all as criminals who are only out to get you and treat us as such, and blatantly right in front of us with no regard to how it looks or makes us feel. But you’ll fight tooth and nail and be sure to make us aware of how YOU women are feeling and make the world walk over egg shells to coddle your stupid moods and emotions while making ANYONE who isn’t on your side or point of view as sexist, misogynist pigs while you get to go around and treat others with the same disregard. Fucking hypocrites, the lot of you. Too busy being fearful of us to actually acknowledge of as human beings. Instead, we get what your active imagination of us dictates we should be. Yeah, it’s not like we have individual minds, personalities or standards, or anything, so give us shit and when we have the audacity to bring it to your attention or call you out on your bias for what it is. Then you have the audacity to get offended(as if you’re the innocent victim), and try to downplay it as ‘pulling the victim or race card’. Yeah, you try to coin that popular phrase as a means to undermine and justify instances where people have have their civil rights as individuals offended, but simply don’t give a shit and are completely apathetic. Even though you play the victim all the fucking time. Imagine if someone made the same apathetically shitty comment every time someone brought up woman’s issues. “Oh, another blond playing the victim card and making an assault accusation with no evidence. They probably had it coming. Probably dressed like a slut.” You like that? That’s the EXACT mindset you people have whenever racial issues are brought up. And naturally you don’t give a shit, because it doesn’t affect you. It would never, ever, ever affect you because you’ll never have to experience what other groups have to experience, so it’s easy to judge and dismiss as nothing. Hypocrites. Only when something happens to someone ‘you can relate with’ do you even attempt to care. I don’t know how you can sit there and not be aware of issues happening to other people while complaining of people showing the same lack of understanding for YOUR issues. Are you that mentally incapable or socially unaware? Treat others how you would want to be treated. You’re practically taught this in kindergarten. Yet it seems some women are incapable of understanding this concept. Perhaps this is on a genetic level. Why is this so difficult to grasp? Guess it’s easier to preach to others about acceptance for the validation and presenting a false sense of righteousness than to practice anything of the sort. What? Are you offended? Did that trigger you? Great! The first reaction I was able to get out of you besides indifference or fear! Now you’re indignant, not walkin’ away clutching your handbag in fear of being robbed or fleeing the area in fear of the disgusting idea that I would want to talk to you or ‘ask you out’ while you give fake smiles, fake pleasantries and fake humanity on the way out as if I would somehow be too stupid or oblivious to not notice. Fucking mental patients. Get over yourselves. Not everything is about YOU, christ. Fucking narcissism ingrained. Let’s not forget their selective hearing, vision, and awareness. For example, they’ll hear what they want to hear, see what they want to see, and think what they want to think, even if it’s contrary to reality around them. Again, they’ll have enough awareness to flee the scene of an incoming minority approaching from the corner of their eye yet when there’s a long shopping line they’ll cut in front of you like they didn’t see you. So basically you play blind, deaf and dumb when it suits you. No, no. I’m not carrying a heavy load of items or working right now. By all means, YOU first. Thanks for never offering. You just assume yourself first every single time…
More hypocrisy; you judge people instantaneously without a second thought and treat them according to what you consider their worth is. That is, if you have some ‘flashy’, or something that they consider a valuable possession to have, then they’re more likely to acknowledge you as a human being or be more pleasant around you in general. It could be in various forms, not just good looks. Higher social status, financial status(usually go hand in hand) are highly valued traits in women. And to be fair, is reasonable to a degree, as when one is looking for a mate you’ll tend to want one that is doing something with themselves and can be financially secure enough to secure their future offspring. What goes overboard is when people ONLY see each other as resources and not as individuals anymore, which devolves into people treating each other as commodities instead of people. Now everything I’m saying here applies to men just as much as women, but the thing is, when a guy seeks the most attractive woman and turns you down you’ll make him out to be shallow or even ‘sexist’ somehow, yet you uphold the same EXACT standards and do the same EXACT thing to men. It may not always be looks. Like I said, it could be social or economic status, height; all desirable traits. It raises a man’s worth, and he’ll receive less scrutiny because of it. That’s why when an ‘ugly’ guy compliments you, you’ll say it’s ‘weird’, or ‘creepy’, but if someone you thought was attractive complimented you your reaction would be different. Why the double standard all of a sudden? Same thing when some random guy tries to ‘kick game’ or whatever on you out in the street, it’s ‘catcalling’, but if some famous celebrity or person with higher social or financial status approaches you with the same ‘schtick’ you may respond differently. He’ll receive less scrutiny, be tolerated to a higher degree, amd will be more likely to be respected, etc. In other words, the amount of humanity a women is willing to treat you with correlates to your level of value she thinks you’re worth, which is a GREAT way to treat people. And what’s worse is that the things you’re being valued for are often times things that OTHER people value so the rest just go along with it and place superficial standards accordingly anyway. It could be the guy who’s married with kids. Guarantee that guy gets less shit from females compared to the single guy. Also, the single guy is sometimes looked at with disdain. “There must be something wrong with him if he’s alone.” And this stigma is placed on and perpetuated by people like yourselves who know nothing about the person other than what other people in society have filled your head with, so you go along with it without question or individual thought. That’s another thing about you females. Seems they’re willing to go along with any ideology as long as it gets them the approval or acknowledgement of their peers, no matter how decent, indecent, uncouth or corrupted that ideology may be. If everyone’s hating on this person, then you’ll hate on them too, just because, well pack mentality. It’s safer to stay within the socially acceptable boundaries of the pack to avoid being ostracized yourself, even if that means abandoning all individuality, reasoning and compassion, and attacking someone else who had done nothing other than simply being born different or carrying an ideology that differs from the pack. If everyone else is being an asshole, then that means it’s socially acceptable to do so, and so you’ll do it to just to save your own ass. Doing and thinking differently is dangerous. People might think you’re ‘weird’ and treat you accordingly, thus being dished out the same level of treatment that you’ve placed on others. Living by the sword. It led me down a trail of thought involving human nature. At this point I’m not just talking about females anymore. Just like when people lynched and burned black folks and made post cards about it(yeah, that happened). You think one person said “gee everyone, what we’re doing is wrong)? No, people in the crowd just went along with it because everyone else was. This essentially means a fictional character like the “Joker” was right about people, and that we’re only as good as society allows us to be. Now, we look at something and say” how terrible”, or “those were the times back then”. That classic line used for just about ALL the atrocities done back in earlier history. But when you look further into it, those instances happened because a group of people with a specific ideology decided: “we’re going to do this” and worked together to achieve a common goal. Also, we only say it’s wrong because enough people will obviously take that side, and anyone opposed will be the one ostracized from society as the deviant. You have a topic now that’s less one sided, like police brutality. Some would say it’s wrong, some would say it’s justified or show no sympathy for one side or the other. The question of whether someone deserved a specific level of treatment is now present, suddenly, the ‘right and wrongs’ have become abstract, and instead are left to the majority. In other words, morality is based on a consensus, because if enough people say something is good, then it’s good, and if enough people say something is bad, then it’s bad apparently, and if some people consider certain actions no big deal, then I guess it’s fine. And this is how humans operate. Consensus and circumstance. People also do what they’re capable of getting away with. It’s why you have to have a government law, or threat of eternal damnation to get someone to ‘behave’ and not crush another person’s skull, or rape another human being. People have to be told this, because apparently if there’s no consequence in place then humans ‘default to shit’, apparently. It can be from the most extreme like violence to the most subtle forms, like how one behaves around their boss. You can have a co-worker be a dick to you but will change demeanor around said boss. What caused that? Consequence. You would get fired if you snubbed your boss rudely the way you did to your other co-workers. Self-preservation kicked in. You were compelled to be nice to your superiors only because of the financial threat that would follow had you not quickly put up the false act of a genuine human being. But whenever it’s of no consequence to you, you go right back to being a fucking asshole, especially if no one’s around to see it, so your social status won’t get affected either way. And this is how people operate, though women moreso.
Then there’s the general phoniness. (Yeah topic escalated then de-escalated quickly...)You’ll act a certain way when it’s socially acceptable to do so, then act another when there’s no one around so you can reveal the worst side of yourself without consequence of having yourself come across as a bitch or unlikeable person to the rest of the world. They do it all the time. They’ll do that infantile, pointlessly vindictive thing where they give you the cold shoulder but then when people are around go back to acting like normal humans beings like they didn’t just rudely snub you seconds ago. Human nature kicking in. That need for social acceptance and fitting in. See it would affect your social status negatively to behave in the same manner you engaged in when we were alone while in a crowd, because then everyone would see what a vindictive bitch you were and that would affect your social status. See? There was a consequence, so for your own self-preservation you assumed the role of a nice person..and then when everyone leaves you go back to being a piece of shit, but you do it ‘passive-aggressively’ so this way you can maintain the illusion that you’re a good person. Whatever. It is what it is. Back to what I said about self-preservation and going along with the pack. You can do anything to anyone as long as you can get away with it or it’s considered within the socially acceptable boundaries. Many years ago I used to think “maybe if I was this and that, or had this and that, or was beautiful, or maybe if I wasn’t black, women might not treat me as a burden or give off second-rate left over humanity or acknowledgement or disgust. That maybe if I had more of the popular things THEY valued, maybe I wouldn’t get shit treatment from them. But then why would I want to associate with someone who values only what’s viewed as acceptable to others in the first place? Why should I try to gain your approval in the first place? What’s so special about you women and why would I even want to associate with someone who doesn’t value anything or anyone but themselves? It’s cringey to see and I get to walk away from the act. Thing is I don’t have to live with you but you do, and that, in perspective makes me feel much more blessed and appreciative of what I have: friends and family whom I’m on good terms with and actually care about.
((FFS, apparently there is a text limit, so I have to continue this fuckin' rant on another entry. Are you kidding me? To be continued on part 2...sigh, even writing in a damn journal becomes a shitty experience...))


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