Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2019-08-27 20:27:05 (UTC)

I Give Up

What if I'm alone like this the rest of my life? That would be awful. I gave up on my last dream. I figure I had to let go. I'm still thinking of him quite frequently, but I'm not trying to figure out ways to see him again or giving someone my number to give to him. I thought about doing that, but never actually did. I might feel somewhat of a desperation to see him again, but I dont want to act like im desperate. Lol.I've been going to the library hoping to see him there. He used to talk about renting movies there. I'm not daydreaming of seeing and hanging out with him somehow. And now because the website I'm trying to go to doesn't work on the library computer either, I have no more reason to go there. Admittedly, the other 3 or 4 times I went there before today, was solely in hopes of seeing him. Well, yesterday, I got the computer card, just didn't have time to go on the computer. Lol.

I've given up on having any friends. Don't want to bother anyone.

I'm still hoping that if I give up/let go of everything that something good will happen.

Technically, logically and physically-speaking, I am still alive, but my soul feels very dead.

How much longer will God stand by watching? The rest of my life? I need help that only He can give. I'm not relying on anybody else. And I'm doing the best I can, lest anyone say He only helps those who help themselves.

Well... I'm going to go watch 8-Bit Ryan now and hopefully, that will cheer me up. He's pretty funny.

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