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2019-08-16 18:15:58 (UTC)

It's My Life

Taking a small break. A while ago the Prodigal finally left my house. So, I’m cleaning up the disaster that was left behind. Three months. That’s all it took for him to destroy my house, my life, and my emotions. I sit in the quiet of my apartment able to do whatever I want and all I can do is clean. The air even feels different. The cats are both out laying on the floor. I’m already feeling the difference in the air. It will take the better part of the weekend, but I plan to put everything back together. I don’t plan to have anyone over (okay, so the kids, the Brother, and the Knight are welcome of course) and just doing the best I can to put everything back together.

So far, I’ve hauled out three bags of trash and as I keep working at it, I can’t help but think that once more I’m cleaning out my life. After being on the stress diet for the last week, I’ll get my appetite back. I’m just glad it’s over. The nightmare is over. I was slowly being beaten down and when I finally saw it, I wanted nothing more than to not lose what I’ve built. So here I am looking over everything again. Which is ironic since last night I had dinner with The Knight and all I could think about was how great and natural that it was. How when I’m with him all I think about is how I want to be better person. Talking about everything under the sun last night was just great. I kept rolling it around in my mind all night. I want that. I really want that in my life. I don’t need it. That isn’t right to say. I want him in my life at my side. He’s everything that I could possibly want in this world. I see that now. It’s always so easy with him. It’s natural. Hell, he walks me into the wife/gf stuff smoother than creamy peanut butter.

Case in point, I have 2 weeks to quit smoking. For good. I plan to. I’m going to beat it this time. I’m buying one last pack today and that’s going to be it. I’m going to use my vape and finally break it. I want to be able to go down there in 2 weeks with a clean slate. I fully intend to pursue him and that’s final to reward or ruin. It’s been three years now that we’ve been doing this dance and well it’s time. That’s later though, for now I have me to deal with and that’s first.

It’s time to get back to work. I still have a lot to do around here and while I’m doing that, I’m looking at things around me. I can’t believe the amazing folks that I have in my life. It’s great to know that they are in my corner when I need them. I’ll be fine. I know that. Why? Because I have them. It’s not perfect, but as Bon Jovi said… It’s My Life!

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