Nick's Journal
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2019-08-26 08:01:29 (UTC)

my grandma

so i thought i would follow up my first entry with a nice double-header.

one thing i have been doing in my newfound sobriety is helping my grandmother with her groceries. usually this involves a 2 hour trip whereby i pick up my parents car, pick up my grandmother, and we jointly head to the grocery store.

my grandmother is 90 years old, owns a samsung tablet, is active on instagram, and is generally pretty with it (remembering not only things long past, but also short-term). so i enjoy the 2 hour trips with her as she argues with the butche over the best cut of meat (something i would be moritified doing it myself).

the good thing is i have learned how to go shopping with her, i would do the usual retarded shopping list of frozen pizzas and single-meals while she actually buys INGREDIENTS you know like, mushrooms, spinach and ground beef.

probably that's why she's so with it at 90 and i'm just hobbling along at 37. never to late to change though

but now unfortunately i need to tell you something that's completely fucked up. so if you want to end on the good humble brag of mine (look at me being a good person helping my grandma!) then end here. please.

for quite some years now (again SHE IS 90 years old!) my grandmother has relied on a social pension from her divorced husband and general social payments from the goverment. obviously all bare minimum living. so in order to still enjoy life she sells what investments she has.

i have no idea what investments she has. nooone in our family does. this is her one last "PRIVATE AREA" that she refuses to give insight into to anyone. in a way i can't blame her. that feeling of control is sometimes all you have to hang on to. that feeling of agency, that you alone control one aspect of your life. how can you argue against that? a 90 year old woman wanting a bit of agency in her life.

what kills me is what is happening on the outside. she sells 20 shares of some mutual fund i've never fuckng heard of, gets hit with a 7% commission and fees. she "transferred 1,000 EURO" to her bank account last week. i put that in quotation marks because with all said and done in comission and fees only 887 hit the account. and that not for another 3-5 weeks as it takes a while to liquidate such accounts.

now i have a bs in finance and i'm not fucking stupid. do you know how much it hurts me to have to mail an order form in which my grandma orders her snake of a broker to sell 20 shares by signing a sheet of paper. i had to put that shit in the post yesterday. i am so livid. it is just fucked up. a large bank taking advantage of a 90 year old lady.

and you know what the most fucked up thing is about it? they are doing everything by the books. if i were to go there and raise hell they would just give me a shit-eating grin and say, "why sir, she signed the order, we only executed the duty as our order compels us" and sure everything is by the fucking books and nobody is guilty of anything, but in general this is a pretty fucked-up situation right?

a 90 year old lady selling her stocks getting hit by commissions, fees and taxes, to have a liveable life. but that's just the way shit is. and i try to make her life better best i can. i hate myself for mailing that order. but what am i going to do? class-action lawsuit? my grandmother would die for indignity if i raised hell. so i am stuck here. having to watch, with bound hands as this fucked up situation continues. and i will help her and make her life as great as i can, because i love her for what she was to me as a little kid (a loving grandmother) and now a funny companion who enjoys going out with me to shop groceries.

because sometimes we are just torn by these injustices but we have to soldier on and jjust do the best we can. this is no movie. now great cinematic ending where a bank gets dressed down and an elderly woman wins will come of this. but that's okay, because i know that she's living the best life she can, and she seems really happy when we are together.

last sunday i had an old friend, attorney, and avid old-book seller/collector come over for coffee. you know how much fun my grandmother had? a ton. and that's what's life is about. fuck the banks, let them make their evil millions, we can still enjoy the happiness in life and will refuse to be bent by their debaucheries.

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