Experienced Life
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2019-08-20 20:08:40 (UTC)

This too shall pass

Wow! What a day of insight and deep thoughts. It started off ok. I got a call from my close friend. She needed to borrow money for two tires. Her boyfriend didn't help her so I don't know why that is. I've known both of them for a long time now. The guy around 21 years and the lady maybe around 17 years maybe. They've been going together for over a year now. Anyway, I went with her and while she was getting her tires replaced, we went next door to eat. So that was simple enough. Maybe some good karma maybe? But nope.

I get a pic from my ex wife. It was the kiddos. They've grown. The boy is in 9th and the girl is in 12th. Glad that they are growing into nice healthy kids and at the same time, sad that I'm not with them helping them in their path of life. So of course, the texts start bouncing between us. And of course, it leads to no good. We're playing the blame game about what happened between us. So yeah... she pulled me into her world of lies and deceit once again. She doesn't see what she does. She always blames me when she is the one always renting the u haul vans moving out on me while I'm at work. Not even having the guts to face me to say bye. I always just come home to a ransacked home.

Then I noticed that my Facebook friends total changed. Now this is social media stuff and I'm older so that shit isn't the world to me. However, my ex gf finally blinked and she finally unfriended me. I think it's been just about a year now since we broke up. And we were together only for about a year. Yet, I thought she was the one at the time. Physically, emotionally, financially, and all that stuff synced. She said she even had a strong sexual appetite and found out later that it wasn't as strong as mine. But I guess I'm drifting here. My point was that all the self help youtube vids indicate that I should not unfriend an ex gf. It shows a lack of inner strength and that it shows the lack of self confidence in me if I'd have to unfriend someone. So.... I didn't blink and didn't unfriend her. She did. I'm guessing it was sometime in the past month maybe? I dunno. So, I'm guessing if there was a win in this, I may have won? But do I feel triumphant? No, just feel strange.

Am I crying with all this bad karma? Nope. I do now that this too shall pass. I for some reason am not able to cry. Not sure if it's because I'm jaded now. Not sure if it's because I actually learned a few things in Church. Not sure if it's because I read a lot of self help books and youtube videos enough that I'm too smart to feel down on myself. I just don't know.

I somewhat feel I got this. These bumps in the road of life. I got this but I also am pretty tired. When does the good stuff start rolling in? Whew... Maybe it's because I haven't done a crossfit class in two weeks and might be on restrictions from the doctor for another 2 1/2 months? euuuwwe. That's tough. I now know the value of working out. I weighed myself today and feel lucky I only weighed in at 161 lbs.

It's night time here now on a Tuesday. Took my power naps and it's now around 9:30 PM feeling refreshed. My sleeping times are all out of whack since I've been off of work. I'll probably stay up till 6 in the morning. I texted my superstar gym friend. She hasn't returned my call yet. We supposed to meet this Thursday. She's leaving for a Church retreat in Mexico for three months so it'll be like a good bye dinner till she gets back.

Well, time for a drink and I'm taking an oxy pill not because of the pain but to get rid of this mind fucking I'm doing to myself. Crap! Hope times like these go away soon :(

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