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Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-08-20 00:55:51 (UTC)

Loner.

Today has been pretty crappy. I woke up to find that my monitor for my computer is pretty buggered, well not buggered. There are 3 very faint lines going through it and I've checked all of the wires and cables and I know my luck, there's no fixing it. I checked several forums and articles, and a lot of people who have had the issue nave ended up getting rid of their monitors, so I guess I'll be looking for a new one for Christmas. It's completely fine for now, it could easily be used as a secondary monitor. It just bugs me. It's more of an annoyance. The monitor is pretty old, maybe it's just had its day. It wasn't a great start to the day either way. Everything just feels super repetitive at the minute, I honestly can't wait to go back to college. I just feel really lost and alone at the minute. Sadness is creeping back in, and it really shouldn't be. I've been given an offer for the course I wanted, it's results day on Thursday. Things should be good, so why do I feel so crap? I mean, lets point out the obvious: My sleeping pattern is fucked, my friends don't bother with me, I sit in my bedroom all day; and this is everyday. I try to get people to do stuff but people are either busy, don't want to or I get ignored. Sounds pretty embarrassing and pathetic when I type it out. I just want to go back to college and have some consistency, a routine, something to be working towards and looking forward to. Everything is such a drag right now and it's making me really unhappy.


I'm trying to be more positive, I mean things are obviously so much better than they were last year. I'm just struggling. I'll hopefully be in a better mood after I get my results on Thursday, in the meantime I'm just slugging it out. 'Keep on keeping on', and all that. I watched the football earlier today, which was decent. By decent, I mean Manchester United dropping points; along with City, Chelsea and Spurs, I'm pretty happy with that. I'm gonna tune into WWE now and hopefully sleep well tonight and maybe wake up tomorrow and actually DO something. I'm just so fed up of being alone. Somebody mentioned the cinema to me the other day, asking if I had checked a new film out and my response was 'I haven't got anybody to go with'. I feel like I would probably have to beg some people to spend time with me or nag them into doing something, and I just haven't got the motivation or patience for it. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I value people a lot higher than they do me, and it's sad, but true.


Edd


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