marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2019-08-18 13:32:05 (UTC)

Prisoner of My Own Subconscious

Kinda bummed all day today. i'm not a good person to be alone with myself, but that's basically how my weekend went. No one to play with. Actually, not 100% true cause Jermaine booty called me last night, but i declined him, thinking about maybe not making a mess of the Engineer thingy. This remains to be seen.

Texted Engineer Friday, yesterday, and once this morning. He did text back last night he would call when he had time. Otherwise, not a thing. Is this something to think about or am i just over thinking. On the one hand, he never answers texts or calls. Even Thursday night while we were together, his phone was lighting up the room and he didn't seem to care. He even turned it upside down cause it was distracting while we were doing our thing. OTOH, i am me and i tend to see the negative. i suppose i'd be miffed if he picked up the phone while we were having sex. But he didn't even look when we were just hanging. Calm down girl.

My nights haven't offered a safe haven either. i've been dreaming about Javier almost exclusively now. i wake up with unexpected reactions which scare the shit out of me. My subconscious mind can send unwanted messages at times, but the rest of my body seems to be pretty ok with them. Even a few middle of the night orgasms didn't quell those fires. So in self defense, i cancelled out on my parents for dinner tonight. i just didn't want my dream to have any possibility of playing out when i saw Javi, who has become my parents first child. Sucks.

i'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow. And his call. Who am i kidding?





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