Experienced Life
2019-08-18 08:14:27 (UTC)

Freaking neck hurt

Slept the wrong way last night. Normally, you'd get a little neck pain. But with a neck surgery, multiple the pain by 10X. It's almost like day one post surgery again. I think I slept on my side last night thinking it was better. I like sleeping on my side normally anyway. Well, I screwed that. Now it hurts to turn my neck and I don't want to push it. I don't want to the oxytocin's in the morning. Got stuff to do today.

I'm feeling a little down. I sometimes read this guy's diary on this site and I can't help but feel like maybe I'm a precursor to his life. He was divorced too maybe around 11 years ago. Now his daily routine is to talk about pills he needs to take, doctor visits, hoping his kiddos call or visit him. I get depressed. I'm thinking so you get divorced and now it seems like he's thrown out to the proverbial pasture? I that it in his life? No fire anymore? No romance? No goals? Just take your meds, watch tv, wither and die? Is that what's going to happen to me too?

I know it's my ego talking and it's saying I may be alone for a very long time. Maybe the rest of my life. This thought sucks. I hate it when I'm down. And my neck still hurt like a mother-effer. And I haven't been to the gym in almost two weeks too. I knew it would mess with my head. Just didn't think it'd only take two weeks to get me down like this. Neck pain isn't helping. At least I can still have my morning coffee in bed without loony-roomy being in the house. She's still out there with her friend. Thank goodness for that. But screw this, My neck hurts, I usually only take an oxy at night but I'm going to have to take one this morning.

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