Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-08-17 20:50:38 (UTC)

Investing Time Into The Wrong People

I've made an entry that has touched on this before, but never solely on this subject. Do you ever feel like that? That you're either chasing people or find yourself pandering to people who simply don't give a shit about you? Maybe even only talk to you when they want something, or if it benefits them. I'm feeling like this a lot lately. It makes me anxious and then I struggle to even want to start conversations with people. It's even worse when it happens with people that you consider close with you. They leave you on read and just flat out ignore you, that happened me to twice with Louise in the last two weeks. It just makes me a bit sad I guess. It makes me want to stop bothering with people altogether. It's just such wasted energy. I've probably made an effort with several people this week and have been given extremely short responses, or just completely ignored. Maybe it's me? I'm not needy or clingy or anything like that. I just suppose it's good manners? Tell me you're busy or don't wanna talk and I'll understand. It's not a big deal.

Last week, I was supposed to see someone; a girl I used to see back when we were like 15 or 16. We tend to meet up a few times a year and just check in with each other, have a few drinks. We haven't met up this year yet, every time we're going to, she always blows me off at the last minute. I don't know why, she always tells me how much she misses me, that she really wants to catch up and see me, then predictably cancels on the day. She did it twice to me in the last week and I was kinda just like '...alright'. I just find it really odd. It's weirdly damaging my confidence just to have conversations with people. It just makes you feel like nobody cares, or you're just putting too much time in with the wrong people, hence the title. The quote rings true :-

"We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

Maybe that's a little dramatic, I'm not hurt because somebody has cancelled on me, but you get the idea. It just sucks. It's hard to know who is really good for you and who isn't nowadays.


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