Toing & Froing
It's been years since I've written an online diary. There's a lot going on in my life, always, and online seems to be my best means of communication, aside from needing practice writing again. Two days ago I took a proofreading skills test and scored a 30 on one and 70 on another. I've always prided myself in being intelligent and great at reading and writing. However, those tests made me realize exactly how dead my brain has become in the last few years. I was employed by my last job a little over a year (previously unemployed for 3 years) and I've come out of it with some serious mental issues. I gave it everything and made it known that I was going to do everything I could to make sure the company (my location - 1 of 12 offices) was successful and constantly growing. I made it known that I planned on retiring from them. I also posted a flyer on my board of a rafting trip and told my boss "I'm going to do everything I can to make that trip happen for this company. In 5 years, we're going to have enough profit to pay for an entire hotel for 2 days and that trip for every employee". Well, I guess they didn't believe me or thought my goals were too much. I got laid off a month ago. They abolished my position (Office Manager) company wide because they thought we didn't do enough to justify our pay checks. There was never a time that I didn't have something to do; not just busy work, either. My job responsibilities were split between my co-worker and a new hire with a college degree. Ironically, his college degree is being used to perform job duties as a basic, entry level security guard, as opposed to the Assistant Operations Manager position he was hired for.
To say "I'm discouraged" would be a huge understatement. My confidence, in myself and in others, is completely crushed. I believe that change is inevitable; that everything happens for a reason; that more doors open when 1 closes, ect. It's just a hard pill to swallow when you put everything into something/someone only to realize that nothing was put into you. That's not to say that I didn't make any mistakes. I always took responsibility for my mistakes and did everything I could to make sure they didn't happen again. As a result of everything that's happened in the last year, I can't even put together a cover letter for my resume. The only thing I can think to say is "I'll do the best I can until you fire me or lay me off because it doesn't seem like anyone wants to hire someone who's ready to work for a company they can stand behind 100% and retire from anymore." I know my attitude sucks right now. Hopefully, I can wade through the crud, do some studying and get my brain moving again soon. On the bright side, I've enjoyed spending the days with my 2 year old and being able to pick my teens up from school again. Hubby enjoys coming home to a (mostly) clean house again.
I have a ton more to write but it's a little past 9:30am and I have some studying to do. I want to thank anyone that takes the time to read my entry(s) and reassure you that they're not always going to be depressing. I have a lot of good, positive things to say, as well as discussions to get involved in, but also a lot to do in a little amount of time. Surprisingly, Little Man is still asleep. Lol
Blessed Be )0(