Miss Vixen

Diary of a Succubus
2019-08-11 12:43:14 (UTC)

Clinging to every second

So it's that time of the weekend again, those who have Monday - Friday jobs will know the feeling well.

It's the feeling where you wonder if you have lost some time or squandered it doing something wasteful, like binge-watching Netflix shows, if you could have spent it doing something else. Honestly, at the moment I feel lost - my job is okay but I feel like I am destined for something so much better. Is that really going to be my life...?

JD is a great guy but I know his type, there's no chance he will ever love me and I know that there is no future... what am I doing? I am not this type of girl. I have had two boyfriends and I have had sex with two people... and one of those times I didn't exactly choose to do it. I am so screwed up. JD wants to meet up on the 23rd of this month... after I told him that I need to hang out with him first. I am just terrified he will abandon me after sex because between me and anyone who reads this... I feel like there is something wrong with me.

The two people I have had sex with, the first dumped me after he got what he wanted... Immediately after...

...And as I mentioned yesterday L... doesn't ever want to have sex, literally he turned me down all the time. It got to the point I just gave up trying because not too be too detailed - even if we did... it would go soft inside me. It messed with my mind for years, it made me feel like the most unattractive person in the world... I'd flirt online all the time, to get any kind of attention and when I didn't get it - I would throw a tantrum.

I just messaged JD voicing my fears and he knew just what to say... 'If I were single, you'd be mine'... I told him that we both may have someone, but I am still his and he is still mine. I am hoping he isn't just being cute and knowing what to say. I think I am getting sick, my ears hurt so much, it's more just under my ears - the lymph nodes.

JD wants to voice chat for a bit so I am going to sign off.




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