Imperfectly Perfect

My Secret Submission
2019-08-07 21:43:37 (UTC)

well its over

Him and I broke up a few days ago. It feels like I have been dismissed in a way. We decided to remain friends and Idk If that was the best choice. I cry every day I can't believe I let myself love him as deeply as I did. He said he was getting tried of try to maintain a long distance relationship. He wasn't trying I don't think he has in a very long time. I saw this coming but why did I not let my heart in on it so it didn't hurt me. I let him hurt me for the second time. What I keep replaying is laying in bed and thinking he was asleep and whispering I love you. The first time I said it aloud to him. He replied I love you more than you know. It hurts and now for the first time in 8 years my home is child free. they are at school during the day and im left alone. All alone with not even him to find real comfort in . I am so just broken. I don't feel like eating or even getting out of bed. I feel like I am just going about my day on auto. He and I still talk but not like we did before. It feels weird and like that is not how we are meant to be. I want to scream and yell and lash out. I want to be a brat but I also don't think I could handle him out of my life completely. So I am remaining friends carefully watching my words and quietly wishing things were different. I know that's not healthy but it is what it is. I will remain alone sad and broken. I will never reach out to another Dom. I am done and have no more pieces of me to give.
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