Indigo's not-so-secret diary
I dunno what to doooooooooooooo
okay so basically. I've been in a relationship with a guy who lately doesn't give me the time of day. Literally he's not even my type but I've grown to love his presence and personality and every time I feel like I have to end things, I just think of all the memories we've ever had together. Literally nowadays he doesn't even make time for me and we're constantly arguing and I've realised that he's just so selfish. Like really really realllllyyyyyyyy selfish! He only thinks about himself and when he does decide to contact me (bare in mind I make so much effort to reach him and he's always telling me his busy) he's telling me he wants me to travel all the way to fucking London if I wanna come and see him. That's like a 2 hour journey from where I live and it's ALWAYS me making the effort this guy don't even TRY to even meet me halfway he just acts like shit to me then sends me money to "treat myself" like huhhhhh?? Are you alright in the head? Weve been together for a fucking year and I'm not saying that he has to spend money on me or whatever but I've put so much money towards this guy I've bought him so many gifts I've put so much money towards travel and after a year of being together he sends £70 in my account and tells me to "treat myself"???? he acts all high and mighty cos he sent me a gift for the first time in his fucking life then uses it against me when I tell him he doesn't do enough for me. And literally that next day he told me to meet him and I used £30 out of that money anyway on travel and I bought my own food for £15 so really and truly he gave me money to see him. BUT ANYWAY I know it's a stupid rant but had to get it off my chest. i don't even feel like I'm in a relationship I just feel like we're friends and he's just scared to let go incase he doesn't find anyone that would treat him like me.
Anyway! There's this new guy I met his name is J and he's so sweet and he's my type of guy and I just feel low-key bad cos I've been seeing someone else and I feel like breaking off this "relationship" I currently have but every time I bring up the topic, the guy I'm with always wants to avoid it. Let's call the guy I'm with Esp.
And so esp avoids convosations about breakup. And J knows that I'm in a situationship with esp. and I'm ready to be with J but it's just so hard and I don't even know? Do I wanna be with J cos he gives me more attention and commitment than esp? Is that solely the reason why I wanna be with J?
I dunno my love life right now is shambles