Experienced Life
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2019-07-16 10:16:09 (UTC)

Painful reminders that pop up

Can't help it. Facebook posted memories from a year ago. It was the last vacation I had with my ex gf. We spent the weekend on a timeshare. It was the Windsor resorts I believe. Feel kinda bummed out. That was pretty much the last time we made love. It was very good too but no sense bring up the details because it probably isn't mentally healthy for me to bring it up. Can't help but miss her a bit. Not everyday you tell someone you love them and mean it you know? Then they flip and go the other direction. That is ok. That is life. Just that it's painful to experience it. I know she wasn't perhaps the one but she was the only one in a long time that I felt for. Now there is just a lot of silence in my house and in my heart.

It reminded me that it's been a year since I made love to anyone. That's a long time for a person. It also reminds me that I was with someone a year ago and now I'm alone. Yes, the breakup although painful was still needed. I needed to grow and improve as a person. Not for my ex gf but for me. Difficult situations are sometimes needed to grow I guess. Sucks that it does but it does.

I'm now hoping since it's been almost a year now, I'm a year better as a man. Better social life, better physical, better, emotional, etc, etc. I did get a couple of hits on coffee meets bagel website. I have more and more friends at the gym since I've been more open to initiating communication with them.

Got my MRI done and I will review with the 2nd opinion Surgeon this Thursday on what kind of surgery I will need and schedule it. I got it taken care of. All things or at least most things I need to get covered is covered. My Sister and my friends will be able to help nurse me if needed.
I got work taken care of. I pretty much cleaned my slate so I won't be leaving any work behind for anyone to clean up.

How do I feel overall though? Just like my friend once said, she didn't think at her age, she'd be alone in life. So yeah, especially since it's been a year since I made love to my ex gf, I do feel sad, some normal depression is setting in. I'm going to have surgery and it'll be all on me pretty much. No wife or lover to go home to after this. Just me and my strong will to make the most of life. just sure is hard to have to keep fighting all the time.
I can't even get a hug or kiss. Just my strong will to perceiver. Sigh...