justme

Story of My Life
2019-07-15 03:58:10 (UTC)

Random July Entry

My last journal entry was last November and explained the weird story learning about a half brother of mine. At the time when I wrote that entry I was feeling a million different feelings but mostly confused and somehow hurt.

I have since met Dave my half brother though and this has definitely put that part of my life and mind at ease as he is a great person and it was all very easy getting to know him and his wife over a G&T. I've stayed in touch a little but am a bit weirded out and aware that my brother and sister still haven't met him so don't want to be too close in case it jeopardises those more important relationships.

Focusing on the theme of family, my father who I wrote about in my last entry now has a new partner, her name is Cath. This was pretty hard to comprehend after my mother dying a couple of years ago however I have been working through my feelings on this topic and she seems nice, he seems happy once again, so who am I to judge their relationship? They have just been here staying with me recently and it all went really well.

I'm struggling with a bit of an inner battle at the moment though. Since ending a work contract a couple of months back with a really well paying company that didn't treat me that well, I'm really struggling to get motivated with my work again. I should be finding heaps of clients and working hard and contributing to the mortgage but it just isn't happening at the moment. My partner is getting upset because I can't afford to contribute but I'm trying to complete my work tasks so that I can get paid enough to contribute - it just isn't happening as quickly as I would like it to. I feel like we are losing touch with our true connections and it is all related to money which was something we had agreed would never happen. He has made me aware of this twice already and both times it made me feel like shit. I don't want to go and work in a job that I hate just to earn some money and then come home and be a horrible human being because I hate my life so much. I have already been there, done that with my last contract. So the question is wtf do i do? I'm going to workout more which will eventuate in being in a better mood and show him more support towards his business as well. I feel like if I can start to feel better about myself and about helping him he might start to enjoy my company again. Maybe I've been too naggy?? I don't know.

I know that I haven't been an easy person to live with so I'm just going to work on that for the time being. Being better at life. Less selfish, more selfless.

So in saying that I think its time to sign off and go do some yoga.

Until next time

xx




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