My ability to get into subspace lately has been horrible. I can get there for a while then get frustrated because I try to do something and have to stop because of pain. I am so frustrated and disappointed in myself because for the first time I am in a relationship with someone who wants the lifestyle like I do and I am preventing it. I can’t help but beat myself up over it. Daddy and I had a brief conversation this morning about incorporating more mental bdsm into our relationship. I don’t know how/ if that will occur but I think it could help things. I am so sick of being bitchy and cranky and not feeling well. I know submission centers me even when I am not feeling great so the struggle has been real and it is not like daddy has not been trying.
I have been meditating and that is helping me. But on days I spend with daddy if I don't get moving before him I don't meditate and then I lose that centering. I think it is all a combination of me needing to be more focused and needing more discipline as well. It is funny how it takes a few months to really get in sync with someone new at times. Daddy and I are going into the 2nd month since he took ownership and I think things will start to balance out soon.