a quote from the movie "too late"
"I've let relationships lapse"
and beyond just letting them lapse, when someone does reach out to me, i don't know how to respond with the appropriate level of emotional enthusiasm. I think I give off a vibe that I'm angered or indifferent to them reaching out and often don't make further efforts. and it's sad to me, but also I don't care enough to overcome the paralytic state of not reciprocating 90% of the time. I'm bummed out by the 180 turn in things with Em. I don't know what to say to her anymore. Everyone is disappointing. I'm especially disappointing. Making strides in my life, but when it comes to managing relationships, it's fucking alien. It's too complex, too complicated, too many things go wrong, have to put yourself out there do much and I think I just get fucking sick of watching myself fumble up interactions with people I care about. So I'd rather withdraw into myself and engage as little as possible. It's all can handle right now. I'm not bad otherwise, but healthy interactions with others are key in their evaluations of you? So it probably looks like things are worse than they are. Who fucking knows.
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