A mind cursed by too much bliss
I have to kill the demon
After the illusion of getting better,as soon as it seemed that I was getting used to my new tablets and I hadn't been suicidal for almost a month, here it comes back. Mania has come back stronger then ever hitting me hard on my face.
It's been a week now, I'm like a rabid dog again. I feel mad and bad, the demon has woken up again.
And so it was just an illusion, it's always like that, whenever it looks as if I'm feeling better the demon wakes up again.
I have taken a resolution, if I can't find a way of taking this evil demon away, if I can't stop hating people so strongly and behaving like a rabid dog on the streets I'll kill myself. I can't live on with the impulse of biting and killing every human I see like a wild beast.
If someone doesn't take away this out of proportion anger from my mind I will have to do it in the only possible way I know.
I was in public toilet yesterday and thought of every possible way I could die. I'll fill the sink with water and force my head in it. Then I felt so ridiculous and pathetic. It will never work, I thought. I need to study it carefully, it's not that easy unfortunately.
God has been such a bastard that it made it so hard for us to take our own lives. He wants us to stay and pay for whoever has offended his grand ego.
This is not me, I have to kill the demon