Do Not Disturb

2019-07-02 20:53:54 (UTC)

It still hurts

I’m slowly trying to get over the fact that my ex just broke up with me considering the fact that we’ve only been together for 4 months thinking it would last longer but if, it wasn’t for me and my stupid emotions getting in the way. Maybe we would actually. But I guess I kind of saw this coming. I mean he haven’t payed any attention to me at all even more since he got back from the trip.

Could he have found someone new ?

He doesn’t even want me texting him.

I recently downloaded MeetMe... Again... And I saw his profile pic on their and it made me wonder if he recently made one after he broke up with me. He says that he haven’t been on the app for a while. I couldn’t believe him for a second. I didn’t believe him for a second.

Have I really screwed things over that bad ?

I’ve screwed almost every relationship that I’ve been in.

A because of me and my goddamn emotions.

It still hurts. I still wanna cry.

This could be a good sign until I find someone new to come and string me along. Or, wait till I find the “ right one”.

But ... Is their ever a “ right one”?

Oh, who am I to kid ?

Will I ever find love ?

Will love ever find me ?

Or will I be single for the rest of my life ?

I mean I’m only 20 years old so who knows.

And honestly, all me and him ever did was have sex. We never went out. Not even to the movies. I’m honestly glad I didn’t go on that trip. I mean I was looking forward to going. But what’s said is done. And what’s done... Is over. G

I’m going on a trip next month August 2-4 with my dad and his girlfriend and so forth. I have no idea where we’re going. I’m guessing it’s a surprise. Hope it’s a good surprise and is worth me putting my request in when the day comes. Can’t wait. Until then.

I got paid yesterday and so I decided to make my own Netflix account for $8.99 a month or something like that using the card I got from easy money where I always cash my check every time that I get paid.

Most of my money was used of buying my mom two new tires because it was about to go out like the other one did. Then, we bought Taco Bell for dinner. Well, I bought everyone Taco Bell. She said she will pay me back Friday. We shall see.

It still sucks that I have to work on the 4th of July and it’s night shift.

Why couldn’t it be day shift ???

At least I get off at 11.

All this week I work night shifts. Except for today and tomorrow I’m off.

Still trying to find me another job. A job where I can actually request off on the 4th of July. On any holidays. I also need to request off on one of the weekends of this months so I can go and take family pictures with my dad.

So far, my summer has been nothing but boring also working.

- A