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Shesgone26
2019-06-19 08:20:51 (UTC)

I cant sleep. I cant breathe. ..

I cant sleep. I cant breathe. I cant hide. I cant think.
I can only panic. I can only tremble... I can only fake a smile
Because putting the burden of being unhappy on someone can ruin a friendship, can ruin a family, and can ruin a life that I have already fucked. I dont know where in life I'm going. Of course I want and wish and hope and have the sliver of faith maybe all of this pain will be worth whatever is going to happen for me in the long run. But over and over I have chosen to be lazy, I have chosen to take the hard way of life than just following others and learning from my mistake now... I feel like everything I do gets fucked over. I feel dizzy and like I'm never actually quite here. I'm always chiding to do something bc of what others want me to do or the fact I want to show I appreciate them and that they offer it to me.

I feel like things wont work out for me. I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to fail at one little thing and I'm going to freak shit and life will be over for me. For example if I mess up something at work I might get fired, then what, off to another job at who knows would hire me.... I've never worked at a shop by myself with so many things to be accountable for. I feel like it's just going to be too much for me being my 2nd job. We'll find out though and along withcwheather or not my bf will finally see I'm worth nothing...




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