A mind cursed by too much bliss
Another day begins...I am ..
Another day begins...I am still in bed and I can't find the courage to get up. I listen to music and watch dance videos in order to give me strenghth. All I wish is that I could spend the day only thinking about music and nothing else. I wish there was nothing else in my life, nothing else out there. I can't gather enough courage if I think of all the struggling that lies ahead of me, I am so afraid of all the things I'll have to endure, I am so afraid of the pain and the madness that may follow. I feel so weak and fragile, not just in my body but in my mind as well.
I am so exhausted already I'm afraid I won't be able to take any more pain in. I wish I could stay here in bed all day and yet I know that would make it even worst.
Yet my mind is running, thinking too many things at once, wanting to do too much, so much that it just gets down to a jumble of random flashing thoughts following one another in an endless, exhausting progression that eventually leaves me so exhausted I get nothing done. So many ideas that lead to nowhere because my mind gets so confused in the end.
I guess that's what it's meant by "mixed phase" in Bipolar? It's just so confusing it's really insane.
A whirlwind of thoughts while you are so exhausted you just want to sleep, you wish you could but you can't.
Oh God please make these medications work I beg you