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it was finding out about the pregnancy, the way i found out about the pregnancy, the haste, an entire new narrative, new life - her entire story rewritten in a year and a half - that broke my brain. Or at least finished the the job. Maybe I'm hung up on the (wrong) details (yes, you are hung up on the details) and I've probably claimed my brain was fully broken before, but I haven't been the same since. This feels different. I used to be dark, but mostly on the inside, rarely being outwardly dark, like uncomfortably dark. Bleak. Vocally. with other people. I feel dark, like void we exist in, and it's spilling out of me in conversations where I feel.. err.. And my clothes. This is my goth phase apparently. I only want to wear black.. colours or patterns make me anxious. Nau
It was her birthday yesterday.
And her baby is due any day now.
Oh, and the thing with Hélène is definitely unrequited.
Here's to May 🥂. I still blame bad things happening on the month.