I do this to myself. I think...
2019-05-27 16:10:44 (UTC)

Bad guy

I don't know what's wrong with me right now. I woke up feeling okay. Hoping to start the day better since last night basically sucked. The baby kept waking up off and on. Probably because she was sore and warm. I was in a better mood. He woke up the same way as yesterday morning. Instantly not thrilled about it. Either of us. But he got up with the intentions of trying to get into a better mood. He semi-succeeded. Much better mood when he came back from getting coffee.. I was really hoping the day would have been so much better. Out of nowhere my heart is filled with hate. Not even directed at anyone in particular. I can just feel the HATE. It's reverberating throughout my body. Like one of those tuning forks. Something slight hit it and it's sending vibrations of negativity and hate up and down every limb. I can feel my heart BOOM BOOM BOOMing in my chest. It's discouraging. Seriously, I want to know why I feel this way. I want it to go away. I'm pretty sure I suspected earlier that it was going to happen so I started to kinda keep myself busy by cleaning and starting laundry and whatnot, but it didn't work. I feel tired. My eyelids are heavy. Maybe I need a nap. I don't want to nap. I think naps are a waste of time. I mean, if you're sick, it's totally justifiable to take a nap and regenerate. Your body needs the rest to recharge and get better. But, on a day like today, there's really no need for it. I'm perfectly fine. Aside from just my mood. Maybe I'm sensing something is off. Maybe something bad is going to happen. Or maybe it's feelings left over from the dream that I had this morning. Very uncomfortable. Not exactly a bad dream, certainly not a nightmare, but it wasn't a good dream. Kind of sad I think. And I don't even know who the people in the dream were. I think in my dream, they represented people I know in real life, but I don't remember who it was that it would be. But it was sad. And as usual, I'm the one attempting to save everyone else from a less than ideal situation. Why am I the savior?

Whatever, I'm going to try one of the new games I got this morning to keep myself busy for right now. I'm sure he will find something useful to do, and the baby is in bed, hopefully sleeping. But who knows. I have my headphones in and the music up loud so right now I can't hear a thing. Lucky me. Time to go kill some people. In my game, of course.